Gone to see a man about a cowbell

Dear Littler B,

Public Domain,
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=114302

It has been a month of Sundays since I have written, and for that I apologize. It has been an interesting two months. I feel bad at having left you mid-theme, mid-AtoZ challenge completed. I don't usually back down from a challenge as you well may know (seeing as you are me just very much younger), that is one thing that doesn't change. I do however know when to take a hiatus from something when the emergency need arises and priorities have to shuffle.  Don't despair, some day not too long from mow I will pick back up with Nightshade.


In the mean time, here I am just simply me again wanting to say hello.



I can't quite believe how much my life has changed here in my present, your future.  Things have happened on all levels of the oh shit/Yay spectrum. I know I probably left you scared having disappeared for as long as I have without a letter to let you know how things will shake out.  I don't want you to fear my baby girl. You are strong and resilient. If there is one gift the great goddess has bestowed upon you it is that you are a survivor and find a way to make things work.

This time it was not on your own though and I really give credit to the amazing kind of people you allow in your life over the years to come.  Acceptance of the loss of the physical things was an easy one.  You never have been a material kinda gal any-who. The grieving process of losing the man who was once your husband and is now essentially a 5 year old (temper tantrums and all) has however not been an easy one. When having to return to the ICU with yet another stroke, two weeks after getting out of the month long rehabilitation after the previous one - there really is no easy way to handle it. You will go into shock baby girl. Study up so you know what that means, sick to your stomach and all; so that you can make the make the moment it happens not about you.  I think I pulled it off, but it was difficult. The biggest thing to get used to is the feeling of loneliness that you will feel. Don't ponder in it too long. Moping doesn't become you.

That brings us through April and to May. We've temporarily landed at Anthony's house.  His beautiful loving wife to be is so head strong and smart that they have purchased a house and are allowing us to stay here while I find a way to recover. It is very taxing for all of us, but remember baby girl you have to weather the storm to see the rainbow. Keep your eyes and ears open, because sweet child you will at this time come across an opportunity for a job that will make you happier than any other in your life, for many reasons. The biggest thing is that you will become me on the other side of the tragedy, open your eyes in the morning smile and continue smiling until your eyes close at the end of the night. Truly life changing.

 "When All Else Fails, Add More Cowbell...

I will tell you more about it maybe one day, or just let you be surprised when you get here. All you need to know is that when life becomes so rough, abstract and disconnected, when you don't know if you will make it through - I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a cure for it coming down the pike.....

In the mean time I will leave you with an amazing piece of news to look forward to. You are going to finally have a new baby in the family. Anthony is going to be a daddy. The debate has begun in your head at what we will be called (Mama like our mom, Granny, Grandma.... as long as it is never Nanny or MeeMaw lol). 8 years older than mom when we will become this exciting status, but well worth the wait as it took getting here for him to find this amazing and wonderful girl to spend the rest of his life with.




Truly looking back in wonder,

Bigger Little B



Music That Made The Mood


Dixie Chicks - Cowboy, Take Me Away
I Grieve - Peter Gabriel
Look What They've Done Ma - Miley Sirus
Whats Going On? - 4 Non Blondes
Roar - Katy Perry
If I Die Young - The Band Perry
I Try - Macy Gray
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Wake Me Up - Avicii
Strawberry Wine - Deana Carter

Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
All of Me - John Legend

The Unexpected Holiday

Sometimes life throws the unexpected at you. Our anniversary getaway in a nutshell.

PLEASE HELP - WE HAVE 15 HOURS TO GO TO SAVE OUR HOME AND ARE STILL $500 SHORT.

Dear Littler B,

Instead of writing a letter to you today, I opted to make a video to show you some of the things to look forward to when you become me. What an exciting adventure that March of 2016 will become for you.

Our adventure took place in scenic downtown Nashville, TN otherwise known as Music City, USA.  Watch the video to learn a bit more about this whirlwind of a trip.

"Together, there is nothing we can't get through."





Please watch the video and share with everyone you can.   Enjoy and keep up the faith, hope, courage and strength. 

Counting our many blessings,

Bigger Little B

Please click here to Help Support Toby's Journey

In Perfect Love

Dear Littler Me,

I'm back, did you miss me? One of the things you are going to realize over the years on your way to becoming me is that even the best laid plans sometimes get fouled up.  With my busy week of sick children and divorcing children (read as child, because it is the same one), I completely lost track of the week and the challenge put to me by Heidi of Womanpulse.com.

If you will remember last week, one of your letters (The Business of Being Grown Up) I addressed some advice that I had for you about adulthood.  Heidi posted as well on this subject in her own way in an article on Womanpulse as well as JO-Hanny over at Have a cup of JO-hanny.  More have completed this challenge though I don't have any links as of right now.  I'll come back with those when available.

Today, I have been asked to talk to you about 3 things that I have learned about love.  Wow. Being my age and through the many relationships that you are going to go through, trying to whittle it down to just 3 things is going to be interesting.  Love is a topic I have addressed once or twice before in your letters and I am sure I'm going to touch on it many more times while this temporal channel is open.

I think after listing the wheres and what fors I have come down to some of my best lessons:

1. Compromise

One of the hardest learned lessons for me has been the learning of compromise. I know you think you are all fair and are the queen of compromise but I'm here to tell you now that I'm on the other side of it that you are dead wrong.  Looking back on the battlefields of my love life I have realized that there are more times you win the conversation not because you are right but because you think you are right and your partner is just not willing to fight over it.


This more than anything else is what is going to kill your relationships (other than money) because most of the men you will be with will either be all givers and no take or all takers (more often than not) and no give. 

No matter what shape love comes in, be it love of a significant other or a child you are going to have to learn the lesson of achieving that balance. Hopefully earlier than I did, it will save you from having to live your life on a battlefield like I have.



Blindness

No matter what relationship you are going to go through there is going to be a large level of blindness.  This will be good and bad in turns.

On the bad side, at times you are going to be blind to the way you have allowed yourself to be changed into what the other person thinks you should be.  This is going to be very difficult for you to see over the years.  It will be subtle tweaks until you wake up and realize one day that you just don't even recognize who you have become. You can't relate to the person in the mirror at all.  That kind of love is so soul crushing and unhealthy that you will have to literally shatter everything you know to escape it.

 

Don't worry about it so much though because on the flip side you will reach a level of blindness when it is true love that is good.  Those short timers will have quirks that you just can't take but when it is real you tend to be blind to the little flaws that would at other times annoy the piss out of you in anyone else.  You see the very beauty of the soul that is him in a way that others can not and that will blind you to so very many things. Like a blind person, when you lose one sense the others are intensified and you can see things in a completely different light. The light of love.


3. Love Bites Nah, strike this one and move onto the real #3

3. Forever
 Like the great Beatles sang, love is all you need.  I'm here to tell you on the other side of time that no truer words have ever been said.  Love is the only truly world changing gift we as a species have been given.  Every time you allow yourself to feel it, even when you have moved on down the road you will always take a piece of it with you. From that boy who bought your carnation for valentines day at school to the man who you walked down the aisle to meet with a death grip on your daddy's arm, a piece of them will always be inside of you.

Not only will a piece of each one be inside you, you will perfect it as you go and approach everything in that light.  Friends, children, parents. and life itself.  If there is truly one common thread in everything you are and everything you do it will be that love is the greatest of all.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge




I promise you it is going to be a rocky road, but I also promise that it will be worth every step, stumble, trip and bounce.






In perfect love,

The Business of Being Grown-up

Dear Littler B,

Good afternoon from a very frazzled frustrated you sitting in 2016. So much to learn and never enough time to do it. I have been put to a "Blog Challenge" which will require me to tailor 4 letters of yours to certain topics.  This should be creative and fun.

http://www.womanpulse.com/2016/02/blogging-challenge-week-one-what-advice.html

Your first letter is a bit of a cheat though, for you/me. The letter today is supposed to be about what advice I would give a child about adulthood.  While I know that has got your bristly hair on your shaved head up, no I don't mean you are a "child" per se, but when you become me in your mid-forties you will realize that 16-18 is so incredibly new.

Every letter I have written to you thus far has been about advice. The things that are coming for you to prepare for. These things (for the most part) are not only things you will experience but things that many at large will go through in the journey of growing up. So, while all of my letters to you are advice I will sum up some of the big hitters.



 

Always Find a Reason to Smile








Life when you are an adult dear little me is full of responsibility. It is not a bad thing. You get to work (which you might not like) but it allows you to have money to buy the things you like. You will be pulled in all different directions to be able to juggle your responsibilities so make sure you find at least one thing to reflect on from your day that will make you smile.






Always Find a Reason to Make Others Smile

Remember, young one. While you are going to be a busy grown up - others will be as well. Do you know how good it feels to have someone compliment you or just be nice to you for no reason at all? It is just as important to give that feeling to other people. Commit a random act of kindness every day, even if it is just a little one. It may be just the thing that someone else needs to completely turn their day around.


Don't Be Afraid to Try Something New

You have so much time ahead of you and so many experiences you will have the opportunity to take part in. Don't be afraid to try something new, it will be what creates the amazing grown up that you will become. It will introduce you to new people. It will teach you things you like and things you don't.

Things I Like

Things I Don't

Take a Mental Picture 

Every chance you get, take a moment to take a mental picture of the things around you and file it in your brain-album. As your pages get filled up and you look back through them you will be amazed by the beautiful moments you have been blessed to take part in.

Don't Be Afraid to Be Yourself

There are so many people who will put expectations on you about who you should be, what you should look like, what you should believe, what you should think. At the end of the day, one of the wonderful things about being a grown up is that YOU are the one who has to live your life. Make it yours!

I have so much more I can tell you, but this letter is getting rather long. Luckily, I get the opportunity to share these and so many more ideas on an almost daily basis.

Here's looking at you kid,

Background Sound

John Mayer - No Such Thing
John Mellencamp - Jack and Diane
Ben Folds - Still Fighting It
Ataris - In This Diary
Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me
Carrie Underwood - Whenever You Remember
Kenny Chesney - Young
Taylor Swift - Fifteen
Blink 182 - Dammit
Five for Fighting - 100 Years

Celebrate The Smalls

Dear Littler B,

First and foremost I need to apologize for yesterday's letter. Fear and panic ruled the day yesterday. I can tell you that even though you have "grown up" (notice that is in quotes), you have not necessarily shed all of your issues. Just traded one set of worries for another. That's part of life. If you didn't worry about something/someone it means you really don't care as much as you think.

You are human. You need to try to remember that. The beautiful perfect imperfection that is humanity. You are going to have days that you doubt, you are going to have (more than your share) of days that you panic, and you are going to have days where you just don't know what to do.

What you need to know is that you are going to have to keep on going and keep on trying.  Things always find a way of working out the way they are supposed to in the end. The results may not take on the shape of the win you expect, however they take on the shape of the win that is supposed to be.  Life is a great big balance. Everything finds a way to even out in the end.

Today, for example it's time to move forward. One of the things that ensures you don't stay stagnant in life is the fact that you adopt early on an attitude of measuring and pushing yourself. You set goals. I can not begin to tell you how well this will serve you over the course of my last 25 years.  Not just the big things like most people do, but the little things.



The most important aspect of these goals is that you let yourself celebrate achieving each one. I'm not saying go spend a lot of money and go crazy because you hit a daily quota but RECOGNIZE!  So many people don't know how important it is to your self-worth to allow yourself to do that simple yet important thing! No matter how small or how large, you set an achievement - give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back!

While these letters have been intended for you, I set myself a goal. I determined that if these letters had fallen into the hands of 2500 other people I would celebrate it by transferring these letters over to a dedicated web site instead of a generic website designed to house letters like this for many people. It is an exciting day for me. I am not quite sure what it is going to look like yet, how it is going to
operate or if it is a wise move but I can't wait to see where the next leg of this journey takes us.

How am I going to celebrate? I'm going to award myself with a few hours away from the computer to walk the trails at the V.A. and enjoy the non-digital sun, the non-mp3 sounds of the birds (don't worry you'll know what that is in a few years) and the non-photoshopped absolutely beautiful people of the town.  In essence, I'm giving myself a day off.

Celebrate, dear littler me. Celebrate the big achievements and the small. You will live a much happier life if you do.

Putting on my shoes and taking off,

Today's Celebration Music Provided By

Kool & The Gang - Celebrate
Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup
Smash Mouth - All Star
Bachman Turner Overdrive - Takin Care of Business
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
Katy Perry - Firework
Black Eyed Peas - I Got a Feeling
Kenny Loggins - Footloose
Madonna - Holiday

Being Humble

Dear Littler B,

Today I am surrounded by a bit of a scenery change.  I am writing to you on (believe it or not) my phone while I sit in a career center in town preparing to attend an unemployment orientation.  This is one of the sad byproducts of the fall of the economy which you will experience starting around 2000 but won't rear it's ugly fang toothed face full force until 2008.

Unfortunately the job market will chew you up and spit you out a couple of times, but don't despair.  It will encourage you to go many places, meet many wonderful people and allow you to reinvent yourself several times over. This time it has been a little difficult as I really loved the job that I was in and they blind-sided me with "revenue no longer supports your position".

It just seems to be a no win sometimes climbing to get out of the struggle since a big incident happened a little over a year ago.  I will share that information with you only because maybe you might be able to emotionally prepare yourself and handle it a little bit better than I did. Obviously, the "help" didn't come in the way it was hoped as you know I am still sitting here typing from Nashville, but you are resilient and find a way to endure.


The Keyboard Commentarian: Words of the Day: UPDATE & HELP: Last summer, I introduced you to Anthony Howell, the son of a dear friend of mine, Bridget, who was stationed at the Army National Guard, 11...

I finally qualified for a small stipend from unemployment that got unexpectedly frozen until I completed today's orientation so needless to say you are going to go through a time of no power, no telephone and no food when you get to be me.  Don't panic, people are amazingly wonderful. Today for example after my orientation I was able to get a small box of food and bread at the soup kitchen from a bunch of the most kind people I know in town. While it is not a job, it does help to get by. Every little bit helps. (I know you'd rather have the job - don't be ungrateful you little shit)

No matter how bad situations get, you are a survivor. Don't ever give up. Be strong and persevere. Things always find a way to land on their feet. I can keep going knowing that you never quit.



Sincerely, Shaken but Never Broken,

Today the following joined me to keep my ears company

State of TN Career Center PA - Random Elevator Music
Imagine Dragons - On Top of the World
Vangelis - Chariots of Fire
U2 - Beautiful Day
BonJovi - It's My Life
Smash Mouth - All Star
Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now
Louie Armstrong - Beautiful World
David Bowie - Just for One Day
Joanna Pacitti - Watch Me Shine
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

The Bullies

Dear Littler B,

I'm sitting on my bed instead of in my office because I got thinking and the keyboard wouldn't wait.  Coffee is next to me and the sound of the truck beeps from the garbage man are coming from the parking lot outside, Drew Carey from the TV drones on in the background and the puppy is snoring half on my lap. (I say puppy, though he is really a little old man)

I'm not sure what made me think of this subject today, it might have been a commercial half heard in my sleep or just a memory flashing through my dreams but bullies are something that you have had to deal with pretty much before you know what the word means. I'm not sure what advice I can give you or anyone whose hands this may fall in, but I know what is truth for you.  In a way you are luckier than most in that you are the 4th child of 5 so you were able to be primed with a thicker skin than some.

There have been many instances you have already lived through, like getting hit in the head with a pan by one sister and having your goldfish boiled (I know you still remember that, because I do... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT). The years that you got picked on after moving from the belly of the south to New Jersey and having that thick southern drawl pour out of your mouth.

It's truly a double genetic whammy that you were born to be not much taller than the limit of a little person and graced with a name that rhymes with "midget". Even that best friend of yours from the swings that lets you sneak out of class with Helga (her car) to go get pizza for the lunch table started out as a bully if you remember correctly.

Thick skin or no, it still hurts.... THEN.


There are going to be many more instances to come so strap in and get ready for it. Like the time you will be at a dance for Halloween and someone will take the mask off your dancing partner to see "who would dance with her", or the time you are going to be grabbed by your hair and dragged on the old gym floor. (Though I still don't regret it resulting in shaving your head and showing up in combat boots from then on out). It will happen only very rarely when you are an adult, from a woman at work who will jump over your desk at you, from your own children, from people you thought you loved. I won't kid you.

I can't tell you why people are like they are, maybe they feel entitled, they feel better than you, maybe they feel less of a person, maybe they don't eve realize they are doing it. It is a fact of life that is a big topic in popular culture today made worse by the invention you have yet to learn - social media.  In all there is one thing that I can tell you that is very important for you to remember. There is only one thing in all of it that you can control.

YOU

Giving in and being hurt, doing something stupid will only put the champion belt on them. It will allow them to win. I promise you that it gets better, because you do. The immature will mature for the most part, but the best thing is that after school you will leave those people behind and be able to surround yourself by the people you deserve. As dad is famous for saying "This too shall pass".

If that doesn't help, let me from the future let you know.... Social media is also good for something else. I am able to see those people who may hold you down and tell you the beautiful become not so, the ones who got fat or bald or both. (Is that a little evil of me?)

Physical beauty only stays so long, popularity only stays so long but the love and light you have inside you can last forever if you let it.

Lots of love from a stronger and happier,

Bigger Little B



Today's Musical Accompaniment 

Taylor Swift - Mean
Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl
Hillary Duff - Fly
Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County
Blink 182 - Adam's Song
Mark Wills - Don't Laugh at Me
Morgan Fraizer - Hey Bully
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Matt Kennon - You Had to Pick on Me
Selena Gomez - Who Says
Bars and Melody - Hopeful

Friends...

Dear Littler B,

It is approaching lunchtime very fast here today and I have yet to get my message out to you.  We had quite an evening of it here. Last week was rent so every penny went to that. Sadly that meant we missed the electric bill by 1 day and had to go without power for the night in 17 degree weather. It was shaping up to be a very long evening. I'm not here to talk to you today about money troubles though (which you will have plenty of thanks to the local job market) but to talk to you about how we still slept in a warm bed with a warm meal in our stomachs.

One of the things that have been constant in your life is that somehow you are going to meet the best people in the world. The people you are going to be friends with over the years are going to have the biggest hearts that you could imagine. They have helped you survive in your roughest times over the years. Some out of the desire just to help, without expectations of reciprocation. You will know them when they come (mostly).

Last night was a great example. I know you will have a long time till you get to last night but, maybe when you get there you will remember what I told you so you don't worry as much as I did yesterday. A gentleman who you befriend about a year before I start writing to you is going to be one of your best friends when you are me.  You will meet him when you are going to the V.A. to visit your son. When he is out of the hospital he will move in with you for a little while until a lot of hard work gets him an apartment in the same complex.

You will have several people move in with you over the years because your motto is if you have $1 you will give someone else $2. Like the time you will make all those Easter baskets for the gang at the VA Hospital yet go without sustainable food for a good 2 weeks.  Maybe it's your belief in paying things forward, but probably not. You give to people not expecting to get anything back except the joy of knowing it makes others happy.  Especially your weak spot of veterans. Keep this trait. It will be the center of joy and amazing memories for a long time.

In all, the most important thing to remember is to be the best kind of friend you can be. Not because you expect anything (though I know you don't - because you are a stubborn mule and don't usually let people know when you are having a hard time), but because they all deserve it. They (the friends you will make) have been such a rock in the storm that is going to be your life. 

Outside of that, the only thing that I give you as far as today's advice is to LET them be your friend. You know how much you like the feeling of helping people? Your true friends also have the right to feel that feeling so when they get adamant (and they will) within reason, be ok with accepting help. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Warmly yours,

Bigger Little B



Today's earworms brought to you by

Cam - Burning House
Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County
Alan Jackson - Don't Rock the JukeBox
Alan Jackson - Chattahoochie
Garth Brooks - The Dance
George Strait - Carrying Your Love With Me
Toby Keith - Should've Been a Cowboy
Kenny Rogers - Lady
John Michael Montgomery - I Swear
Dixie Chicks - There's Your Trouble
Shania Twain - Any Man of Mine
Lone Star - Amazed
Tim McGraw - It's Your Love
Vince Gill - I Still Believe in you
Brooks & Dunn - My Maria
Reba McIntyre - Is There Life Out There
Tim McGraw - I Like It, I Love It
Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy Breaky Heart
Garth Brooks - The Thunder Rolls
Randy Travis - Love Without End Amen
Michael W. Smith - Friends

Brief History of Your Future

Dear Littler Me,

Hi there from a windy Monday in 2016. I've got Hulu playing in the background, coffee in a cup next to me and a complete blank space between my ears. I just can't seem to kick it into gear no matter how I try.

You are going to have a whole lot of days like this when motivation just seems to be no where in sight. Somehow, we can usually push through it but I'm thinking today may not be one of those days.  That leaves me with the conundrum of what to write to you today about. So many memories, so little time.

I don't know how long this channel to you will be open so I've been trying to tell you about as many of the the big and small things that I can.  I've really hit on some of the big ones... Joining the Navy, teen and pregnant, marriage, multiple kids, children in the military, Nashville.... and so on. Maybe today I will hit on some of the not so deep things. A little bit of years to come for you in a brief list.

Enjoy!

Bigger Little B

1991 - Stay away from anyone named Jeffrey Dahlmer, heartbreak over the British family, WWW coming!

1992 - Teflon Don, Sammy the Bull and Amy Fisher are going to be big names, Say goodbye to Johnny Carson.

1993 - Religious fanatics in Texas, Dinosaurs in the Movies, World Trade Center, women in combat and Bobbitt becomes a verb.

1994 - No world series, King of Pop marries into King of Rock's family, we say goodbye to Nixon, Cobain & Jackie O

1995 - Netscape, first widespread GUI, OJ gets away and the legacy of Jerry Garcia.

1996 - Una-bomber, Nintendo64, Dolly the sheep, softball in the Olympics.

1997 - An independent Hong Kong, Heavens Gate, the world learns about quidditch, the world mourns Princess Di.



1998 - Monica and the POTUS, McGuire & Sosa race each other, ISS and women around the world celebrate the invention of Viagra.

1999 - Columbine, Pokemon, Y2K apocalypse scare, Dream Team is formed

2000 - Putin appointed, GWB elected, the real Slim Shady stood up, Big Brother comes to the waves.

2001 - Wikipedia becomes a go-to, Twin Towers fall and the War on Terror begins.

2002 - Gitmo goes into operation, Euro spreads, MV Prestige, Monsters Ball

2003 - Columbia Disaster, SARS, European heat wave.

2004 - Facebook redefines life as we know it, Google, Tsunamis and Martha Stewart is going to jail.

2005 - Youtube is launched, Pope John Paul II leaves the world, Michael Jackson is in court and Katrina devastates the US.

2006 - Twitter goes live, Pluto gets a demotion, Saddam Hussein is executed.

2007 - Brittney goes over the edge, the iPhone is launched, Live Earth entertains the world.

2008 - First black president of US, Hadron Collider is switched on, Black Monday becomes a household name.

2009 - Death of the king of pop, Ardi the oldest humanoid, Elections in Afghanistan, BRCA testing.

2010 - Worlds tallest building, Pandora becomes a place with big blue indigenous species, JKs saga comes to an end, Gulf oil crisis.

2011 - Osama Bin Laden, Gabby Gifford, Japan is threatened by radiation, Royal weddings and we say good bye to a movie legend Elizabeth Taylor.

2012 - Diamond Jubilee, Curiosity Rover, shootings in Aurora movie theater, Whitney Houston.

2013 - Boston marathon bombing, Meteor lights up sky over Russia, the year of Miley, Pope resigns.

2014 - Maya Angelou dies, Chaos from Russia, Columbus' ship Santa Maria found, Jay Leno finally retires.

2015 - The people take over government building, Harper Lee back in print, Charlie Hebdo, US & Cuba open public travel, Trump for President????

2016 - Who knows! Can't wait to see!

Eagles - Take It Easy
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Up Around the Bend
John Fogerty - Have You Ever Seen the Rain
Eagles - Hotel California
Don Maclane - American Pie
Cam - Burning House
Thomas Rhett - Die a Happy Man
Luke Bryan - Strip it Down
Lennon & Maisey - Call Your Girlfriend
Chris Jansen - Buy Me a Boat

Go Your Own Way

Dear Littler Me,

It's Superbowl Sunday here in 2016, so you know what that means. ABSOLUTELY nothing. The same old thing is going on here in my house. I will say though, I have yet to roll my butt out of bed. I also have the hubby home today (the 1 day a week usually) and he actually served me coffee in bed. I know better than to push for breakfast. Not a good set up to my day imaging what our tiny kitchen would look like after the whole thing. Fifteen years ago you can tolerate the images knowing its the kids but when you become me, imagining the same at the hands of a grown man are a whole different thing.

Writing to you on a Sunday is sometimes difficult because I'm not alone at home and can't blare my music and  "do my thing". So here I am trolling through Google (which I told you about weeks ago) trying to determine which memory I can tell you about today. My computer screen is littered with pictures of PacMan, Culture Club, neon (which you don't wear) and Big Hair (which I'm so glad you don't have).

There is so much of the "this is the 80's" that even though you are living right now through it, you really never took part in.  So, what Did you do? I can tell you that pretty soon you are going to have a week vacation from school for ditching school and sneaking out to a concert in East Hanover. You are going to think you got away with it but.... Sorry kid. Maybe if you can keep your friend from watching MTV in front of her father you might not get in trouble but fat chance of that happening. The concert will be well worth it though so I won't tell you with who and which one.

I can also tell you that you are going to hang out in places you never thought you would and become part of things you could never imagine.  Not every day is going to be fun, not every day is going to be dull. I can promise you at the end of it all when you become me reflecting on where you've been you are going to have one thought.

Damn it was great!

Before you know it you will be me and it feels almost like you have had barely the time to blink in between being you and becoming me. Even the hard days you will look back on and be thankful for where they have brought you. I guess my biggest advice today for you dear younger me is drink it all in and make it your own. Keep doing what you are doing kid. You will be glad you did.

10 Points of Wisdom - Hard Days Are Coming

Dear Littler B,

I was sitting and thinking this morning about what to write to you and it dawned on me, in the almost 25 years that have passed between you becoming me - I have lived enough life for 3 people.  There has been good and there has been bad.  There have been so many times that would break a regular mortal. You/I have just been blessed to have been born with either the spine and fortitude of titanium or just the inability to see defeat in any situation. Only change and progress that might not have been our original goal.

I'm here at the keyboard and splitting mind time with the television while an old (well maybe not old to you) Eddie Murphy movie is on. The Golden Child. He has just gone through the maze to get the knife without spilling a drop of water. That is exactly what the years have been like for me. Somehow though we always seem to make it with minimal water spilled. (go to blockbuster and get the movie, you'll understand)


***************     INSERT SPOILER ALERT HERE     ********************

Hold on to your hat little me, things are about to begin on that road in a very short time.  Something is about to happen to you that is going to rock the foundation of every thing you know.  It seems that today it may be more accepted today - there will even be a really horrible reality show about it in a couple decades. Sometimes it seems as forward thinking as we are, society is also completely  in backwards motion.

You have had plans and imaginings of what you are going to do with your life. Bubble burst-er  that I seem to have become have the last week or so gives me no joy in letting you know that your about to let go of just about every one of them. More than letting go of them, you are actually going to be so much happier that you did.

You are about to become what you hate, a statistic. You are going to be a teenager who is pregnant.  People are not going to understand or be very kind. I promise they will get over it quickly and in a HUGE way.  Give them their time of shock.  Don't freak out. It seems like a ultimate nightmare scenario but it is going to set you on the path for the best possible things you will ever experience even still when you become me. It will also give you some of the absolute worse times, but the best will make up for it and make a lot of the hurt go right out of your mind.

Confusion is about to rule your brain for the next 24 years until you become me, I can tell you that with absolute certainty. Here is a good example.... One of your sons is going to tell you he joined the military in a few years and you spend the next few years not knowing if that was your proudest moment or the moment you hated more than any other. Jury is still out for me so we will have to discover that answer together. At least in weak moments you will always be able to hold over his head that you had to sell your last pair of combat boots for diapers. (Though wise ass that he is I am always half expecting him to show up with a pair of 14 hole oxblood Doc Martins in a gift bag for me one day)







Here are a few words of wisdom in what you are about to face:

1. Don't give up - It's easy to crawl in bed and cry, I know I've done it. You can handle this. When you need to, go ahead and do the cry bit but then put on your big girl pants and get back at it.

2. Laugh - When ever you possibly can and even when you can't.

3. Don't Spank - I tried it one time unfortunately on the child who is a nervous laugh-er, nuf said.

4. Celebrate the small things -  Any chance you can take joy and make a memory.

5. Don't get hung on materialistic things - Things are just things. I can't stress this enough. In years to come your curio cabinets are not populated by statues and plates that will break (and they will - look at Mom's old folks) They will be full of pinewood derby cars, painted minis and construction paper treasures.

6. Soap in the mouth is going to scar you not them - I only did this once when one of your daughters learned a certain word starting with the letter B. I still can't get that 10 seconds out of my head almost 20 years later.

7. National headlines fade - At one point believe it or not you are going to be getting your 15 minutes of fame over a judge determining religion of your children. Cry your tears and move on, the rest of the world will.

8.  Family is everything - Don't shut them out. Ever. They may not always agree with you, but they are always there for you. No matter what the situation.

9. I Love You - Never miss a chance to let anyone know how much you love them. You will never know if it is the last chance you will get.

10. This too shall pass - I leave you with these words from the wisest man I have ever known, Dad. He is a man of few words but when he opens his mouth to speak, always listen. No matter what the situation it is not the end of the world. (at least it hasn't been up until you become me). You will always find a way through things even when you don't think you can.


From a wiser yet still clueless,

Bigger Little B.



Guns N Roses - Live and Let Die
Def Leopard - Animal
Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield
Eagles - Tequila Sunrise
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Bob Segar & The Silver Bullet Band - Night Moves
Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight
Eagles - Desperado
The Allman Brothers Band - Midnight Rider
The Steve Miller Band - Take the Money and Run
 Eric Clapton - Layla
Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
The Marshall Tucker Band - Cant You See
The Craig Lewis Band - Change is Gonna Come

When I Grow Up

Dear Little B,

I know it has been a few days since I wrote to you, I hope you are not too upset with me.  I have had to be away for a few days from my keyboard because I had a project that I had to work on. As I would love to say we are independently wealthy, sadly that is not the case. I spent the last 4 days doing a data job for a manufacturing company. Yesterday morning it ended so I went out last evening to celebrate by taking part in trivia night at a local grill. (Heads up for when you become the yesterday me - try not to celebrate as hard as I did. We might make it through today a lot better.)

Its late in the day today for me to be sitting and writing my letter but I am going to try to make the most of what bit of the day I have left before I have to go cook dinner and pretend that I have been at least a little bit productive during the last 10 hours. Luckily I'm pretty quick at restoring order so usually that is not very difficult. On top of that, your hubby is going to be the kind and forgiving type. Not sure how we got so lucky to find him. Call it many years of you paying it forward finally come to fruition.

Regardless, this brings me to the subject of today's letter. I figured I would in light of my last few days I would talk to you about what you become when you grow up. (I use that term VERY loosely as I'm still truly waiting to grow up) This is a rough letter because I want to try to make it as short as possible but you are going to have a broad and extensive list of trades. A career of trying new careers if you will. It has been fun at times and heart breaking at times. This is you though, always the one who enjoys being challenged and wanting to be able to say "yeah, I did that".



I know most kids have that dream of being something spectacular. One wants to be a doctor, another wants to be a fireman or ballerina, and then there is you who wanted to be a nun. I know that was when you were young because of the concept that you could spend your life devoted to helping people.  The reason I bring all of this up is to illustrate the fact that you wanted one thing then but even now for you, you have evolved and want to be something else entirely.  That is ok and even healthy, so don't worry so much about it.

As you have gotten older, if this letter finds you in the year I hope it will, you have evolved to wanting to be a writer. You even joined the Navy in hopes of going into journalism.  I hate to break your heart, but it is not going to work out quite like you dream.  Don't take it too hard, I promise that even though you don't become what you want you will still feel fulfilled enough to be happy.

If I can tell you one thing that you need to take from high school it is to pay attention in Mr. Lefke's typing class and maybe add in the new computer class that they recently created. I think little me that it has come in
quite handy that Dad is who he is. It will make the task of computer anything come very easily to you and will help you maintain a handle on the job market (at least it has for me so far).

I know that you may not be the things that you dream but please remember how you evolved into wanting to be a nun to wanting to be a writer. You will have many dreams and some of them will even come true, but not if you stop having them. You will evolve many times to come over the next couple decades and if I have anything to do with it there will be several more shades of me before it is time for us to get in the check out line and cash in my chips.

 Here are some of the things you have to look forward to being:

Cashier
Auditor
Application Developer
Web Designer
Color Guard Captain for over a decade
Waitress
Community Leader
Security Officer
President of the United States (only kidding)
Systems Analyst
Wedding Officiant & Reverend
Payroll Specialist
Project Manager
HAZMAT Inspector and Abatement Specialist
Haunted House Witch


Teacher
Mother

and so much more....


Don't ever stop dreaming,

Bigger Little B



Bill Medley - Time of My Life
J. Giles Band - Centerfold
Michael Jackson - Black or White
The Police - Every Breath You Take
Pat Benatar - We Belong
Bryan Adams - Heaven
Simple Minds - Don't You
U2 - With or Without You
Eric Carmen - Hungry Eyes
Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad