Monday, July 18, 2016

Never Rains But It Pours...

Dear Littler B,

Miss me? Nah, I know you really don't because you are me so you already see me every day when you look in the mirror. I know things are sporadic coming from me but never you fear baby girl. I will always make time for you somehow and help guide you on your awkward, doubtful rocky road to becoming the wonder that is me.  I can not, as usual, promise that it is going to be a fun ride and even more lately (on my end of the time line - not yours) really have a lot of doubt of the direction life has taken. The long and short of it though is that no matter where it goes, you will find a way to be happy - even if you don't believe you will.

Most recently I've run into one of those huge bumps in the road ahead - well no, truth be told it's more like a brick wall when you were least expecting it - smacked you in the face before it even let you know that it was there. A friggen wall that you didn't stray off the path but were thrown off the path into - a royal face plant knocking you senseless.

I know this doesn't make sense to you now where you are back in the glorious late 80s, but when you become me it will. It is a lightning striking twice situation that they always say does not happen.  There is only a small handful of people in your world of 2016 who will understand this analogy. A situation you promised yourself in 2008 you would never ever put yourself in and yes, here you are again. There will be a time when you chose this path through the aid of things not within your power - but even forewarned you are most probably going to make the same choice. You won't be able to help yourself.  Call me a fool or sucker or many other things that you may come up with but they are all true and so far off the truth.

Well, for the time being all I can say is we will see. I'm sorry I can't instill much confidence in you at this point in time but this is a 10 yr road I've been down once before and been burned severely, so I don't know where it will lead. No matter what, don't let yourself get down or think you are any less of a wonderful person.

You can never be happy that way, and after what you have in store for you... you deserve a little bit of happiness. Even if it is so false it's going to tear your heart out in the long run.  Well, short run anyway. You are going to go through such emotional drama in the space of a minute when you are me for the second time in your life and you are going to wish you had stuck with your gut and realized that you can really be a completely dumb gullible fuck - but the hope of something better and that you are worthy of more than just, well - just can be a really intoxicating bait.

I'm not going to say dear baby girl not to let yourself get played, just enjoy the game and for a little while allow yourself to pretend to be happy. You deserve that much at least, even if it can't be a lasting happiness. Have fun and keep your true heart inside where no one ever touches it. You will be better off that way. Just don't let them see you sweat, don't let them see you cry and NEVER let them see you hurt. They are not worth that. Keep that shine on the outside that everyone believes you are - flip the coin on them every chance you get so they always see the other cheek - not the knowledge inside no matter how much it hurts. Cling to that in the night, not to other things if you can.

Sometimes though, especially when you get to me, you really need to know you are going to be a dumb fuck and you most definitely have not learned from your mistakes. I think it was Einstein that coined the definition for insanity as trying the same thing the same way and expecting different results. This time it's a whopper of a deal and when you get to the today me and see the things I have seen, you will have it smack you in the face and you will feel like such a fool. Prepare yourself for the challenge and rise above knowing you are a grown woman by my age and will get past it somehow.

Fake it till you make it baby girl....

Confusedly yours,

Bigger Little B

Pink - Give Me One Reason
Ed Sheeran - I See Fire
Exile - Kiss You All Over
Charlie Puth - One Call Away
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