Friday, November 17, 2017

Dear Little Bidy,

It's a cold week day here in 2017 fast approaching Thanksgiving. Music is cranked (songs you won't come to know for a couple decades), trying to get my clean-out on and singing on the top of my lungs. Things go in waves here. I've been crying my eyes out all morning and reminiscing. Days to come for you that I wish I could shield you from, however every minute will be worth it. I wouldn't change it for you even if I had that power in me.

I think it all started because I was reading some posts on Facebook (don't worry, you will understand all too well what that is in time) from someone you will meet in a year or two who inspires you to try to pursue a long time dream of yours. He will be coming back to school to give a talk in the library about how he pursued his dreams to be an actor. It was the last thing I was thinking about before going to sleep last night and it put me into dreams about being back in your time and being in the halls of high school being in the library and walking to the band room. I know those are your two favorite places to be, having been you.

When you become me dear little one, there are many things you will look back on fondly. You have the amazing ability to remember the smallest things and actually put yourself in the moment that was. While sometimes not fun when you become me, sometimes it is precisely that ability that brings you through some of your toughest moments. You can close your eyes and put yourself in just the time and place you want to be, feel the sun on your skin, hear the sounds of that time in your ear.

One of the things you will come to believe more and more as the days become years, is that all moments happen at the same time. As crazy as it sounds to you at your age (I know because you are me) when you are me and in the right place you will see. You can close your eyes and literally put yourself in a place and time that you've been before. At one moment your husband is taken too soon and the same moment he is sitting on the back porch laughing at the puppy. You can hear Dad playing his guitar or smell the heavenly scent of a pie from Roma's. That is the glory of living your life determined to make memories, not obsessed with having things. By the time you are my age little one, you will have had things and lost things. The important thing will never be about possessions but about the moments you created; with your children, with your friends, with your beloved husband.

I'm proud to be you. Your outlook on life dear little me is what has gotten me through some of my darkest times. Make your memories and be proud of them. Even the hard lessons. When the nights get longer and lonely for you at my age you will see; those are the things you will treasure, not the flat screen TV.


Bigger Little Bidy

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