10 Points of Wisdom - Hard Days Are Coming

Dear Littler B,

I was sitting and thinking this morning about what to write to you and it dawned on me, in the almost 25 years that have passed between you becoming me - I have lived enough life for 3 people.  There has been good and there has been bad.  There have been so many times that would break a regular mortal. You/I have just been blessed to have been born with either the spine and fortitude of titanium or just the inability to see defeat in any situation. Only change and progress that might not have been our original goal.

I'm here at the keyboard and splitting mind time with the television while an old (well maybe not old to you) Eddie Murphy movie is on. The Golden Child. He has just gone through the maze to get the knife without spilling a drop of water. That is exactly what the years have been like for me. Somehow though we always seem to make it with minimal water spilled. (go to blockbuster and get the movie, you'll understand)


***************     INSERT SPOILER ALERT HERE     ********************

Hold on to your hat little me, things are about to begin on that road in a very short time.  Something is about to happen to you that is going to rock the foundation of every thing you know.  It seems that today it may be more accepted today - there will even be a really horrible reality show about it in a couple decades. Sometimes it seems as forward thinking as we are, society is also completely  in backwards motion.

You have had plans and imaginings of what you are going to do with your life. Bubble burst-er  that I seem to have become have the last week or so gives me no joy in letting you know that your about to let go of just about every one of them. More than letting go of them, you are actually going to be so much happier that you did.

You are about to become what you hate, a statistic. You are going to be a teenager who is pregnant.  People are not going to understand or be very kind. I promise they will get over it quickly and in a HUGE way.  Give them their time of shock.  Don't freak out. It seems like a ultimate nightmare scenario but it is going to set you on the path for the best possible things you will ever experience even still when you become me. It will also give you some of the absolute worse times, but the best will make up for it and make a lot of the hurt go right out of your mind.

Confusion is about to rule your brain for the next 24 years until you become me, I can tell you that with absolute certainty. Here is a good example.... One of your sons is going to tell you he joined the military in a few years and you spend the next few years not knowing if that was your proudest moment or the moment you hated more than any other. Jury is still out for me so we will have to discover that answer together. At least in weak moments you will always be able to hold over his head that you had to sell your last pair of combat boots for diapers. (Though wise ass that he is I am always half expecting him to show up with a pair of 14 hole oxblood Doc Martins in a gift bag for me one day)







Here are a few words of wisdom in what you are about to face:

1. Don't give up - It's easy to crawl in bed and cry, I know I've done it. You can handle this. When you need to, go ahead and do the cry bit but then put on your big girl pants and get back at it.

2. Laugh - When ever you possibly can and even when you can't.

3. Don't Spank - I tried it one time unfortunately on the child who is a nervous laugh-er, nuf said.

4. Celebrate the small things -  Any chance you can take joy and make a memory.

5. Don't get hung on materialistic things - Things are just things. I can't stress this enough. In years to come your curio cabinets are not populated by statues and plates that will break (and they will - look at Mom's old folks) They will be full of pinewood derby cars, painted minis and construction paper treasures.

6. Soap in the mouth is going to scar you not them - I only did this once when one of your daughters learned a certain word starting with the letter B. I still can't get that 10 seconds out of my head almost 20 years later.

7. National headlines fade - At one point believe it or not you are going to be getting your 15 minutes of fame over a judge determining religion of your children. Cry your tears and move on, the rest of the world will.

8.  Family is everything - Don't shut them out. Ever. They may not always agree with you, but they are always there for you. No matter what the situation.

9. I Love You - Never miss a chance to let anyone know how much you love them. You will never know if it is the last chance you will get.

10. This too shall pass - I leave you with these words from the wisest man I have ever known, Dad. He is a man of few words but when he opens his mouth to speak, always listen. No matter what the situation it is not the end of the world. (at least it hasn't been up until you become me). You will always find a way through things even when you don't think you can.


From a wiser yet still clueless,

Bigger Little B.



Guns N Roses - Live and Let Die
Def Leopard - Animal
Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield
Eagles - Tequila Sunrise
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Bob Segar & The Silver Bullet Band - Night Moves
Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight
Eagles - Desperado
The Allman Brothers Band - Midnight Rider
The Steve Miller Band - Take the Money and Run
 Eric Clapton - Layla
Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
The Marshall Tucker Band - Cant You See
The Craig Lewis Band - Change is Gonna Come

Soar Without Fear....

Dear Littler B,

I'm sitting here listening to my music and staring outside at the snow gently coming down trying to decide what to write to you today about. Sitting next to our puppy and drinking my third cup of coffee. Yes, you will drink copious amounts of coffee before noon to get your ass in gear. The good thing is coffee has gotten much better over the years. It's almost become a science. It's not like that coffee that they serve in that cafeteria machine although I know you like that crap.  Nor is it like the swill Mom & Dad make with the skim milk. Have they switched to skim yet? It seems when people get a certain age they all the sudden think they can make changes and wipe out all the bad crap they put into their body all along. Don't believe the hype. You should be making those changes now. Quit going down to the store every morning with that friend of yours just before school so you can sneak smokes and get your regular breakfast of Reese's cups and Jolt Cola. Get a jump on it. Early bird and all that crap.

I know you read all that as coffee...blah blah blah... PUPPY!!!! Yes, you have a puppy. He is several years old right now even though I call him a puppy. I know you are in love with those two Alaskan Malamutes in the house over by Gwen's but you might as well love them from afar because after several years of trying you are going to do the unthinkable and fall in love with a little yap yap dog.  He's going to be your best friend and know just how to treat you no matter what your mood.

In her defense (Older you, younger me) he does not yap at all and he is not annoying like most.  It was one of those love at first sight situations, she couldn't help it.  It was a 50/50 shot, could have gone either way because when she first saw him he was sleeping.  I'm not going to tell you where and when, space time continuum and all that rot. This is one of the things I'd thank you not to screw up. :-) I know you don't know what the heck :-) is but you will use it often. Tilt your head to the left slightly, it will make sense.

I know the last couple letters I've been trying not to shoot down being "grown up". There is a lot you are going to miss, but there is a lot you have to look forward to as well. You know those things you love to do right now? Well listen to you several years down the road and older than even Mom is right now, there is only one of those things that is going to remain constant - your family (well, your baby blanket too. You may have aged 25 years but you still sleep with it every night, but so does Kari so you obviously are not that off your rocker).  I hate to say it but you are going to have to suck it up, change is inevitable. 

Don't be afraid to change. I know you like I know myself (yes that was a joke dumb ass, I know you are myself). You are the kind of girl that likes change on the outside but not one that lets go on the inside. It's going to burn you up more than a few times. Mom's favorite analogy is that you are like a bird that soars high and then free falls in a spiral because you don't know when to catch the next wind. You will be afraid to let go of relationships you are not willing to admit are bad, ideas you are sure will pan out if you just work harder, things that you think you can't live without.

If I could save you the pain, I would but you are stubborn. You would probably rush head on into something I warned you against just because authority is not your bag baby (you'll get that phrase in a couple years too). Then again, maybe I won't because it makes you who I am today. I will however tell you that several times in your life you are going to lose everything you have and at the time you will think every thing you are. You WILL come out of it on the other side, I promise. I wouldn't be here writing to you today if you didn't. What you will come to learn is that things are just things, you are stronger than you think you are and more importantly it's who goes through it with you and is there on the other side that matters.

Don't be afraid to soar because you are expecting that impending spiral. Some of your best memories are going to be of those times. The times you flew and believe it or not the times you fell.


Confidently yours,

Bigger Little B


Daddy's Little Girl/Butterfly Kisses - Faith Hill & Tim McGraw
Fancy - Reba
Dixie Chicks - Long Time Gone
Dixie Chicks - Sin Wagon
Metallica - One
Metallica - Turn The Page
Megan Trainor - All About That Bass
Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Metallica - Whiskey in the Jar
Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
Kiss - Beth
Linkin Park - I Tried So Hard
LoverBoy - Heaven in your Eyes
Lynard Skynard - Sweet Home Alabama
Mischief Brew - Watching Scotty Die
Lynard Skynard - Free Bird

The Juicy Bits...

Dear Little B,

I know you want to know about all the juicy bits you have to look forward to, so here is a little info I will throw at you as free advice from someone who knows about it and knows you. This may get a little bit Salt n Pepa up in here.

 Hopefully it won't be too much for the faint of heart or get you in trouble incase mom gets ahold of this letter like she did that film case in the top drawer that had your first condom. Not sure if that's happened yet. If not, heads up - don't kid yourself, you can't hide anything from that Sherlock. You may hate it now but DONT.  Take a tip because it will help save your own one day.

Depending on when you are at the time this letter reaches you, I may end up repeating some things you have already been through but take a listen because you often see things very differently many years removed from the situation.

You know you have been wanting to join the initiated. At your age that is totally normal and is going to happen soon enough. I'm not going to tell you not to rush it. Quite honestly it is a natural and enjoyable part of life. (maybe jaded advice coming from someone who practices a fertility religion) This is not a conversation you could have with Mom and you are not close enough to any of your sisters to have an honest talk with any of them.

Lets face it, even your friends..... count them off (even the ones you think are so cool and wise - you know who she is).... Haven't done it yet. Well, only one, and you know who she is because she doesn't really talk about it. Don't grill her because if her Mom found out she would go kamikaze on her and believe it or not after some time she will be your friend again and lead you to several unexpected "Aha moments" in your/my most recent years. I'd hate to see you lose the words of wisdom she gives me regularly without even knowing it. (we'll get into Facebook later)

I hate to burst your bubble but that first time, that magical experience that you've read about in the books you hide under your mattress is going to be shit. I don't say that because I want to let you down, I say that because you are a dreamer. You and every other person your age have built it up to be something it is not, especially not to a newbie. You think it is going to fit into one of two different categories.

CATEGORY 1 - Romantic, soft caresses, music playing in the background ended by falling asleep in each others arms in the muted glow of light and panels of silk blowing in the breeze.

CATEGORY 2 - Hot steamy passion, arms and limbs everywhere, ecstasy pulsing through every vein as you claw and paw at every inch of body you can until you are screaming with release.

Sorry kid, this is real life not a movie. The truth is it will be one Christmas night in a parking lot with your friends brother who you had been on a few dates with. It will be awkward, cramped and cold and you will feel disappointed afterwards. The cool thing is that now you got the expectation out of your head it will be much better. You will have a relationship with him for a while and years later will only remember the good times. I can't even tell you why we no longer see each other. I actually looked him up the other day, he actually joined the military and moved to Florida and probably never thinks of you.

Men will come and go in your life and you will learn all sorts of things, try all sorts of things for better or for worse.  A few things will remain constant, 1. You will never get it as much as you want it. 2. It will never be as mystical as you imagine it will. 3. You will have a few of those magical moments that make for good non-fiction fodder. 

You will eventually come to find out that while it is nice to have memories the juicy bits seem to pale in comparison to other things. I know that seems totally preposterous to you now but it happens to be a fact.  Down the road a bit, trust you (me) the things that are more worth it are not the hot and steamy moments before you fell into the deep evening slumber but the guy that brings you coffee in bed when you are waking up. The one who sits on the couch letting you lay in complete comfort on his chest with his arm around you even though it had to have been completely asleep an hour ago.

Believe me baby girl, in the long run whether you like it or not your body is going to be broken to hell. You will not always be "gumby damnit" and the things that last are not the physical. I know that sounds like old people crap.... well it is, but old people learn that in real time. I'm giving you a glimpse of the you yet to come. You will have a lot of fun and heartbreak learning this lesson but will come out the better and stronger person on the other side. I promise when you do finally find the one, you will not be disappointed (even if you do want to bop him in the nose on occasion).

Be patient with yourself, you will always know the right thing to do for you.

In fond memory of your future,

Bigger Little B












Isn't it funny how songs always seem to come to you even when you are on random play? Today's soundtrack brought to you by....

Michael Jackson - Human Nature
Fall Out Boy - My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark
The Corrs - I know My Love
BonJovi - Bed of Roses
Def Lepard - Pour Some Sugar on Me
B52's - Love Shack
Michael Jackson - Will you be there?
Flogging Molly - Cruel Mistress
Tenacious D - F#%k Her Gently
Green Day - American Idiot
Wilson Phillips - Reckless
Jimmy Buffett - If You Like Pina Coladas
Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
Elton John - Tony Danza Tiny Dancer
Billy Joel - Vienna
JayZ / Linkin Park - Izzo/In the End
Elvis Presley - In the Ghetto