Celebrate The Smalls

Dear Littler B,

First and foremost I need to apologize for yesterday's letter. Fear and panic ruled the day yesterday. I can tell you that even though you have "grown up" (notice that is in quotes), you have not necessarily shed all of your issues. Just traded one set of worries for another. That's part of life. If you didn't worry about something/someone it means you really don't care as much as you think.

You are human. You need to try to remember that. The beautiful perfect imperfection that is humanity. You are going to have days that you doubt, you are going to have (more than your share) of days that you panic, and you are going to have days where you just don't know what to do.

What you need to know is that you are going to have to keep on going and keep on trying.  Things always find a way of working out the way they are supposed to in the end. The results may not take on the shape of the win you expect, however they take on the shape of the win that is supposed to be.  Life is a great big balance. Everything finds a way to even out in the end.

Today, for example it's time to move forward. One of the things that ensures you don't stay stagnant in life is the fact that you adopt early on an attitude of measuring and pushing yourself. You set goals. I can not begin to tell you how well this will serve you over the course of my last 25 years.  Not just the big things like most people do, but the little things.



The most important aspect of these goals is that you let yourself celebrate achieving each one. I'm not saying go spend a lot of money and go crazy because you hit a daily quota but RECOGNIZE!  So many people don't know how important it is to your self-worth to allow yourself to do that simple yet important thing! No matter how small or how large, you set an achievement - give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back!

While these letters have been intended for you, I set myself a goal. I determined that if these letters had fallen into the hands of 2500 other people I would celebrate it by transferring these letters over to a dedicated web site instead of a generic website designed to house letters like this for many people. It is an exciting day for me. I am not quite sure what it is going to look like yet, how it is going to
operate or if it is a wise move but I can't wait to see where the next leg of this journey takes us.

How am I going to celebrate? I'm going to award myself with a few hours away from the computer to walk the trails at the V.A. and enjoy the non-digital sun, the non-mp3 sounds of the birds (don't worry you'll know what that is in a few years) and the non-photoshopped absolutely beautiful people of the town.  In essence, I'm giving myself a day off.

Celebrate, dear littler me. Celebrate the big achievements and the small. You will live a much happier life if you do.

Putting on my shoes and taking off,

Today's Celebration Music Provided By

Kool & The Gang - Celebrate
Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup
Smash Mouth - All Star
Bachman Turner Overdrive - Takin Care of Business
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
Katy Perry - Firework
Black Eyed Peas - I Got a Feeling
Kenny Loggins - Footloose
Madonna - Holiday

The Bullies

Dear Littler B,

I'm sitting on my bed instead of in my office because I got thinking and the keyboard wouldn't wait.  Coffee is next to me and the sound of the truck beeps from the garbage man are coming from the parking lot outside, Drew Carey from the TV drones on in the background and the puppy is snoring half on my lap. (I say puppy, though he is really a little old man)

I'm not sure what made me think of this subject today, it might have been a commercial half heard in my sleep or just a memory flashing through my dreams but bullies are something that you have had to deal with pretty much before you know what the word means. I'm not sure what advice I can give you or anyone whose hands this may fall in, but I know what is truth for you.  In a way you are luckier than most in that you are the 4th child of 5 so you were able to be primed with a thicker skin than some.

There have been many instances you have already lived through, like getting hit in the head with a pan by one sister and having your goldfish boiled (I know you still remember that, because I do... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT). The years that you got picked on after moving from the belly of the south to New Jersey and having that thick southern drawl pour out of your mouth.

It's truly a double genetic whammy that you were born to be not much taller than the limit of a little person and graced with a name that rhymes with "midget". Even that best friend of yours from the swings that lets you sneak out of class with Helga (her car) to go get pizza for the lunch table started out as a bully if you remember correctly.

Thick skin or no, it still hurts.... THEN.


There are going to be many more instances to come so strap in and get ready for it. Like the time you will be at a dance for Halloween and someone will take the mask off your dancing partner to see "who would dance with her", or the time you are going to be grabbed by your hair and dragged on the old gym floor. (Though I still don't regret it resulting in shaving your head and showing up in combat boots from then on out). It will happen only very rarely when you are an adult, from a woman at work who will jump over your desk at you, from your own children, from people you thought you loved. I won't kid you.

I can't tell you why people are like they are, maybe they feel entitled, they feel better than you, maybe they feel less of a person, maybe they don't eve realize they are doing it. It is a fact of life that is a big topic in popular culture today made worse by the invention you have yet to learn - social media.  In all there is one thing that I can tell you that is very important for you to remember. There is only one thing in all of it that you can control.

YOU

Giving in and being hurt, doing something stupid will only put the champion belt on them. It will allow them to win. I promise you that it gets better, because you do. The immature will mature for the most part, but the best thing is that after school you will leave those people behind and be able to surround yourself by the people you deserve. As dad is famous for saying "This too shall pass".

If that doesn't help, let me from the future let you know.... Social media is also good for something else. I am able to see those people who may hold you down and tell you the beautiful become not so, the ones who got fat or bald or both. (Is that a little evil of me?)

Physical beauty only stays so long, popularity only stays so long but the love and light you have inside you can last forever if you let it.

Lots of love from a stronger and happier,

Bigger Little B



Today's Musical Accompaniment 

Taylor Swift - Mean
Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl
Hillary Duff - Fly
Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County
Blink 182 - Adam's Song
Mark Wills - Don't Laugh at Me
Morgan Fraizer - Hey Bully
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Matt Kennon - You Had to Pick on Me
Selena Gomez - Who Says
Bars and Melody - Hopeful

Everything I Needed To Know

Dear Littler Me,

Good morning and all that warm fuzzy greeting stuff that you are supposed to say at the beginning of a letter.  Today I thought I would write to you about something that has been in the back of my head for a little while, hence the title of this letter, "Everything I needed to know I learned from Ellen DeGeneres"

This as always is just a few points of wisdom for you to live by. It's done me wonders.

Sincerely,

Bigger Little B.

Don't be afraid to be who you are.

 “Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.” Ellen DeGeneres

The universe is so much bigger than you or I (same thing in this case) imagine.

“The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.” Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously I'm Kidding

Stand up for what you believe in.

 No matter what your cause or what it is you believe go at it with your whole heart and soul if it is important to you.

Nothing feels better than giving.

No matter what you have in life, trust me.... Someone else has less. Things are nice but the feeling of spreading love will last forever.

Except when it is a complete surprise. 

Exceed expectations every chance you can.

Never give up

Life is hard. The day to day living is hard enough without adding dreams into it. But just think of the dreams you will accomplish if you give up...

Always see the humor in life

“Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." - Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously I'm Kidding

 

When all else fails.... Dance

Thank you GoodReads.com for helping me with some of the quotes above.


Today's background sound provided by biography.com & Youtube
http://www.biography.com/people/ellen-degeneres-9542420/videos/ellen-degeneres-full-episode-2244678863

 

Brief History of Your Future

Dear Littler Me,

Hi there from a windy Monday in 2016. I've got Hulu playing in the background, coffee in a cup next to me and a complete blank space between my ears. I just can't seem to kick it into gear no matter how I try.

You are going to have a whole lot of days like this when motivation just seems to be no where in sight. Somehow, we can usually push through it but I'm thinking today may not be one of those days.  That leaves me with the conundrum of what to write to you today about. So many memories, so little time.

I don't know how long this channel to you will be open so I've been trying to tell you about as many of the the big and small things that I can.  I've really hit on some of the big ones... Joining the Navy, teen and pregnant, marriage, multiple kids, children in the military, Nashville.... and so on. Maybe today I will hit on some of the not so deep things. A little bit of years to come for you in a brief list.

Enjoy!

Bigger Little B

1991 - Stay away from anyone named Jeffrey Dahlmer, heartbreak over the British family, WWW coming!

1992 - Teflon Don, Sammy the Bull and Amy Fisher are going to be big names, Say goodbye to Johnny Carson.

1993 - Religious fanatics in Texas, Dinosaurs in the Movies, World Trade Center, women in combat and Bobbitt becomes a verb.

1994 - No world series, King of Pop marries into King of Rock's family, we say goodbye to Nixon, Cobain & Jackie O

1995 - Netscape, first widespread GUI, OJ gets away and the legacy of Jerry Garcia.

1996 - Una-bomber, Nintendo64, Dolly the sheep, softball in the Olympics.

1997 - An independent Hong Kong, Heavens Gate, the world learns about quidditch, the world mourns Princess Di.



1998 - Monica and the POTUS, McGuire & Sosa race each other, ISS and women around the world celebrate the invention of Viagra.

1999 - Columbine, Pokemon, Y2K apocalypse scare, Dream Team is formed

2000 - Putin appointed, GWB elected, the real Slim Shady stood up, Big Brother comes to the waves.

2001 - Wikipedia becomes a go-to, Twin Towers fall and the War on Terror begins.

2002 - Gitmo goes into operation, Euro spreads, MV Prestige, Monsters Ball

2003 - Columbia Disaster, SARS, European heat wave.

2004 - Facebook redefines life as we know it, Google, Tsunamis and Martha Stewart is going to jail.

2005 - Youtube is launched, Pope John Paul II leaves the world, Michael Jackson is in court and Katrina devastates the US.

2006 - Twitter goes live, Pluto gets a demotion, Saddam Hussein is executed.

2007 - Brittney goes over the edge, the iPhone is launched, Live Earth entertains the world.

2008 - First black president of US, Hadron Collider is switched on, Black Monday becomes a household name.

2009 - Death of the king of pop, Ardi the oldest humanoid, Elections in Afghanistan, BRCA testing.

2010 - Worlds tallest building, Pandora becomes a place with big blue indigenous species, JKs saga comes to an end, Gulf oil crisis.

2011 - Osama Bin Laden, Gabby Gifford, Japan is threatened by radiation, Royal weddings and we say good bye to a movie legend Elizabeth Taylor.

2012 - Diamond Jubilee, Curiosity Rover, shootings in Aurora movie theater, Whitney Houston.

2013 - Boston marathon bombing, Meteor lights up sky over Russia, the year of Miley, Pope resigns.

2014 - Maya Angelou dies, Chaos from Russia, Columbus' ship Santa Maria found, Jay Leno finally retires.

2015 - The people take over government building, Harper Lee back in print, Charlie Hebdo, US & Cuba open public travel, Trump for President????

2016 - Who knows! Can't wait to see!

Eagles - Take It Easy
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Up Around the Bend
John Fogerty - Have You Ever Seen the Rain
Eagles - Hotel California
Don Maclane - American Pie
Cam - Burning House
Thomas Rhett - Die a Happy Man
Luke Bryan - Strip it Down
Lennon & Maisey - Call Your Girlfriend
Chris Jansen - Buy Me a Boat

Go Your Own Way

Dear Littler Me,

It's Superbowl Sunday here in 2016, so you know what that means. ABSOLUTELY nothing. The same old thing is going on here in my house. I will say though, I have yet to roll my butt out of bed. I also have the hubby home today (the 1 day a week usually) and he actually served me coffee in bed. I know better than to push for breakfast. Not a good set up to my day imaging what our tiny kitchen would look like after the whole thing. Fifteen years ago you can tolerate the images knowing its the kids but when you become me, imagining the same at the hands of a grown man are a whole different thing.

Writing to you on a Sunday is sometimes difficult because I'm not alone at home and can't blare my music and  "do my thing". So here I am trolling through Google (which I told you about weeks ago) trying to determine which memory I can tell you about today. My computer screen is littered with pictures of PacMan, Culture Club, neon (which you don't wear) and Big Hair (which I'm so glad you don't have).

There is so much of the "this is the 80's" that even though you are living right now through it, you really never took part in.  So, what Did you do? I can tell you that pretty soon you are going to have a week vacation from school for ditching school and sneaking out to a concert in East Hanover. You are going to think you got away with it but.... Sorry kid. Maybe if you can keep your friend from watching MTV in front of her father you might not get in trouble but fat chance of that happening. The concert will be well worth it though so I won't tell you with who and which one.

I can also tell you that you are going to hang out in places you never thought you would and become part of things you could never imagine.  Not every day is going to be fun, not every day is going to be dull. I can promise you at the end of it all when you become me reflecting on where you've been you are going to have one thought.

Damn it was great!

Before you know it you will be me and it feels almost like you have had barely the time to blink in between being you and becoming me. Even the hard days you will look back on and be thankful for where they have brought you. I guess my biggest advice today for you dear younger me is drink it all in and make it your own. Keep doing what you are doing kid. You will be glad you did.

10 Points of Wisdom - Hard Days Are Coming

Dear Littler B,

I was sitting and thinking this morning about what to write to you and it dawned on me, in the almost 25 years that have passed between you becoming me - I have lived enough life for 3 people.  There has been good and there has been bad.  There have been so many times that would break a regular mortal. You/I have just been blessed to have been born with either the spine and fortitude of titanium or just the inability to see defeat in any situation. Only change and progress that might not have been our original goal.

I'm here at the keyboard and splitting mind time with the television while an old (well maybe not old to you) Eddie Murphy movie is on. The Golden Child. He has just gone through the maze to get the knife without spilling a drop of water. That is exactly what the years have been like for me. Somehow though we always seem to make it with minimal water spilled. (go to blockbuster and get the movie, you'll understand)


***************     INSERT SPOILER ALERT HERE     ********************

Hold on to your hat little me, things are about to begin on that road in a very short time.  Something is about to happen to you that is going to rock the foundation of every thing you know.  It seems that today it may be more accepted today - there will even be a really horrible reality show about it in a couple decades. Sometimes it seems as forward thinking as we are, society is also completely  in backwards motion.

You have had plans and imaginings of what you are going to do with your life. Bubble burst-er  that I seem to have become have the last week or so gives me no joy in letting you know that your about to let go of just about every one of them. More than letting go of them, you are actually going to be so much happier that you did.

You are about to become what you hate, a statistic. You are going to be a teenager who is pregnant.  People are not going to understand or be very kind. I promise they will get over it quickly and in a HUGE way.  Give them their time of shock.  Don't freak out. It seems like a ultimate nightmare scenario but it is going to set you on the path for the best possible things you will ever experience even still when you become me. It will also give you some of the absolute worse times, but the best will make up for it and make a lot of the hurt go right out of your mind.

Confusion is about to rule your brain for the next 24 years until you become me, I can tell you that with absolute certainty. Here is a good example.... One of your sons is going to tell you he joined the military in a few years and you spend the next few years not knowing if that was your proudest moment or the moment you hated more than any other. Jury is still out for me so we will have to discover that answer together. At least in weak moments you will always be able to hold over his head that you had to sell your last pair of combat boots for diapers. (Though wise ass that he is I am always half expecting him to show up with a pair of 14 hole oxblood Doc Martins in a gift bag for me one day)







Here are a few words of wisdom in what you are about to face:

1. Don't give up - It's easy to crawl in bed and cry, I know I've done it. You can handle this. When you need to, go ahead and do the cry bit but then put on your big girl pants and get back at it.

2. Laugh - When ever you possibly can and even when you can't.

3. Don't Spank - I tried it one time unfortunately on the child who is a nervous laugh-er, nuf said.

4. Celebrate the small things -  Any chance you can take joy and make a memory.

5. Don't get hung on materialistic things - Things are just things. I can't stress this enough. In years to come your curio cabinets are not populated by statues and plates that will break (and they will - look at Mom's old folks) They will be full of pinewood derby cars, painted minis and construction paper treasures.

6. Soap in the mouth is going to scar you not them - I only did this once when one of your daughters learned a certain word starting with the letter B. I still can't get that 10 seconds out of my head almost 20 years later.

7. National headlines fade - At one point believe it or not you are going to be getting your 15 minutes of fame over a judge determining religion of your children. Cry your tears and move on, the rest of the world will.

8.  Family is everything - Don't shut them out. Ever. They may not always agree with you, but they are always there for you. No matter what the situation.

9. I Love You - Never miss a chance to let anyone know how much you love them. You will never know if it is the last chance you will get.

10. This too shall pass - I leave you with these words from the wisest man I have ever known, Dad. He is a man of few words but when he opens his mouth to speak, always listen. No matter what the situation it is not the end of the world. (at least it hasn't been up until you become me). You will always find a way through things even when you don't think you can.


From a wiser yet still clueless,

Bigger Little B.



Guns N Roses - Live and Let Die
Def Leopard - Animal
Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield
Eagles - Tequila Sunrise
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Bob Segar & The Silver Bullet Band - Night Moves
Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight
Eagles - Desperado
The Allman Brothers Band - Midnight Rider
The Steve Miller Band - Take the Money and Run
 Eric Clapton - Layla
Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
The Marshall Tucker Band - Cant You See
The Craig Lewis Band - Change is Gonna Come

I Really Miss MTV

Dear Littler B,

Greetings from across the years. The sun has just barely made its presence known here in Music City, yet here I sit with my 3rd or 4th cup of coffee tapping away at the keys. As a kick in the pants to get my day on I even got dressed and made the walk to the convenience store.



When I got back home I checked my twitter  in a valiant attempt to learn how to use it. (Don't even ask - you'll learn what it is in another couple decades and still will never understand it) One message among many that I received from a young musician caught my eye. It was a link to his video cover of a popular artists song (the cover was much better - trust me).  It was good, really good. It brought me back to once upon a time when I was you and I would spend hours in front of MTV and just get lost in the music. 


I think I was drawn to this message because of what kind of routine I have set myself. Coffee, music, letter and then (the cherry on the cake of my day) the feel good moments of the Ellen Degeneres show. Yep, believe it or not she will become one of the peoples choice for favorite daytime talk shows, go figure.

After looking at the sum of my daily routine it made me think that you would probably roll your eyes at the "old lady"ness of it all, but listen up butter cup.... All these years that have passed between me being you to me being me have really not changed me very much. I despise mornings. No matter how early I went to bed, morning comes and I could linger on my pillow as long as the dreams last.  In my head I am eternally 18.

Needless to say it makes it difficult with a mindset like that to be a grown up, but alas the years I have under my belt that you have yet to see force me to pretend. I am not sure if other adults who are busy in the act of adulting think the same thing.

It would be interesting to ask people and see what their take on it is.  Not that the answer would change me in any way. Some days I truly feel I should get an Oscar or something. I feel like I am only out here playing adult as a role in the production entitled Life on Earth.  I am now about 10 years older than mom is while you read this letter and I really don't feel half as grown up as she was. Maybe it's a personality flaw, maybe its just the typical aversion to doing what you are expected to do. I'm not really sure but I expect I may never understand the concept of "grown-up" like I never understood the concept of hate.  I guess that could be seen as not a bad thing, no?

Well, in the prospect of faking it till I make it I guess I will go tend to some of the urgent tasks that I have been neglecting but I can promise I will be blaring music, singing, dancing and flipping a finger to conformity while I do so.

In youthful exuberance,

Bigger Little B

Songs that kept my ears warm and fuzzy today


Richie Nuzz - Sorry
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Guns N Roses - Sweet Child of Mine
A-Ha - Take On Me
Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up
Culture Club - Karma Chameleon
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
 Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the Wall
George Michael - Careless Whispers
Roxette - Listen To Your Heart
Queen - Another One Bites the Dust
Toto - Africa

When I Grow Up

Dear Little B,

I know it has been a few days since I wrote to you, I hope you are not too upset with me.  I have had to be away for a few days from my keyboard because I had a project that I had to work on. As I would love to say we are independently wealthy, sadly that is not the case. I spent the last 4 days doing a data job for a manufacturing company. Yesterday morning it ended so I went out last evening to celebrate by taking part in trivia night at a local grill. (Heads up for when you become the yesterday me - try not to celebrate as hard as I did. We might make it through today a lot better.)

Its late in the day today for me to be sitting and writing my letter but I am going to try to make the most of what bit of the day I have left before I have to go cook dinner and pretend that I have been at least a little bit productive during the last 10 hours. Luckily I'm pretty quick at restoring order so usually that is not very difficult. On top of that, your hubby is going to be the kind and forgiving type. Not sure how we got so lucky to find him. Call it many years of you paying it forward finally come to fruition.

Regardless, this brings me to the subject of today's letter. I figured I would in light of my last few days I would talk to you about what you become when you grow up. (I use that term VERY loosely as I'm still truly waiting to grow up) This is a rough letter because I want to try to make it as short as possible but you are going to have a broad and extensive list of trades. A career of trying new careers if you will. It has been fun at times and heart breaking at times. This is you though, always the one who enjoys being challenged and wanting to be able to say "yeah, I did that".



I know most kids have that dream of being something spectacular. One wants to be a doctor, another wants to be a fireman or ballerina, and then there is you who wanted to be a nun. I know that was when you were young because of the concept that you could spend your life devoted to helping people.  The reason I bring all of this up is to illustrate the fact that you wanted one thing then but even now for you, you have evolved and want to be something else entirely.  That is ok and even healthy, so don't worry so much about it.

As you have gotten older, if this letter finds you in the year I hope it will, you have evolved to wanting to be a writer. You even joined the Navy in hopes of going into journalism.  I hate to break your heart, but it is not going to work out quite like you dream.  Don't take it too hard, I promise that even though you don't become what you want you will still feel fulfilled enough to be happy.

If I can tell you one thing that you need to take from high school it is to pay attention in Mr. Lefke's typing class and maybe add in the new computer class that they recently created. I think little me that it has come in
quite handy that Dad is who he is. It will make the task of computer anything come very easily to you and will help you maintain a handle on the job market (at least it has for me so far).

I know that you may not be the things that you dream but please remember how you evolved into wanting to be a nun to wanting to be a writer. You will have many dreams and some of them will even come true, but not if you stop having them. You will evolve many times to come over the next couple decades and if I have anything to do with it there will be several more shades of me before it is time for us to get in the check out line and cash in my chips.

 Here are some of the things you have to look forward to being:

Cashier
Auditor
Application Developer
Web Designer
Color Guard Captain for over a decade
Waitress
Community Leader
Security Officer
President of the United States (only kidding)
Systems Analyst
Wedding Officiant & Reverend
Payroll Specialist
Project Manager
HAZMAT Inspector and Abatement Specialist
Haunted House Witch


Teacher
Mother

and so much more....


Don't ever stop dreaming,

Bigger Little B



Bill Medley - Time of My Life
J. Giles Band - Centerfold
Michael Jackson - Black or White
The Police - Every Breath You Take
Pat Benatar - We Belong
Bryan Adams - Heaven
Simple Minds - Don't You
U2 - With or Without You
Eric Carmen - Hungry Eyes
Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad

Even A Shade Of Mom

Dear Little B,

Today is a special day so I decided to do something special.  It's Mom's birthday, so here I sit playing Celtic music ....You are going to LOVE Pandora...., drinking coffee and remembering all the things that Mom will do for you. (and there will be a lot) This woman, who at a tender teenage year married and started the journey that you would join several days later along with your 4 sisters.

Mom is a tough bird who never loses that soft edge. If there is one thing I regret the most in life, its that I was never able to be half the mother she was and is. I don't say that because she was perfect (which she was in my eyes) but because no matter what is going to happen she is going to keep it together. So, here comes today's advice.

Your children are not going to be children long. You are going to have times you want to rip your hair out. You are going to want to scream at the top of your lungs. You are going to want to sit and cry and say "I can't do this!!!" but you will never think or say you wish you hadn't. Roll with the punches and learn to laugh.

One time, for example; you are going to be driving to work about an hour away in the horrible NJ traffic and you will think your oldest at 3 is sleeping peacefully like an angel in the back. HEADS UP! What he is really doing is using bright red lipstick that he pulled out of your purse to draw on as much of his face and your powder blue interior of your first car. If you hadn't been late for work and just pulling to a park at daycare you might have been able to find the situation as funny as I do now looking back on it. That one will be the devil himself and an absolute angel all rolled into one.


Little B, listen to me and heed my words here. They are going to challenge you both physically, financially and without equal emotionally. There will be times when you won't sleep for worrying about one of them being sick or not having enough to eat. There will also be times when your heart seems so full to bursting you couldn't imagine you could take any more. When you become me, you relish every bit of those times - bad and good alike. Even when they become horrible teenagers and you can never do any right.

Time with your children is going to be short, savor every single second. Include them in everything you do. Let them help you make dinner even if it will take twice as long as be twice as hard to clean up. It will help you on your journey to becoming even half the woman she is and even more it will give your own kids those moments to remember.

Be honest with yourself even if you can't be with everyone else (like that time you are going to be chasing a rainbow in Parsippany with the kids and are going to hit the car in front of you with Mom's car). Make memories with your kids because in the end, like it or not, if all works well they will leave and those memories will surround you when they no longer have the time to do so. Enjoy your time and keep a sense of humor and strive to be even a shade of mom.

Lipsticklessly yours,

Bigger Little B

The Corrs - Runaway
Six Pence None the Richer - Kiss Me
Sophie B. Hawkins - As I Lay Me Down
Gaelic Storm - The Devil Went Down to Doolin
Paddy Reily - The Town I Loved So Well
The High Kings - The Wild Rover (No Nay Never)
The Dubliners - The Partin' Glass
Foster & Allen - Maggie
Paddy Riley - The Old Refrain
The Irish Rovers - The Black Velvet Band
The Dubliners - Whiskey in the Jar
Sharon Shannon - The Gallway Girl
The High Kings - Red Is The Rose
 The High Kings - Will Ye Go Lassie?
The Clancy Boys - Wild Colonial Boy bedb821fa30d00a3cce60ed5fb7bca0635e3f0952f990be0ee

Make a Kodak Moment

Good morning dear Littler B,

This day has started off a little slow. I woke up a little bit late this a.m. because I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. That makes for a very low level of motivation to kick off the day, so I switched things up a little bit. I decided to get dressed and walk down to the grocery store to pick up dinner and make lunch for a friend.

I walked by myself in the rain down the path that leads to the grocery store. The right side of the path boasts an apartment complex but the left side is what fascinates me. There is a wooded area some 3/4s of the path long that encompasses about an acre or two. I find myself mentally drifting to when I was you and spent a lot of times in the woods. You are lucky enough to still have them bordering your yard. I miss those woods. I still absolutely love that rock that you go sit on and just write for hours.

That's when it hit me what I wanted to write about today as I'm enjoying the rain softly falling on my cheeks and the quietness of the trees swaying. No matter where you are you have an uncanny knack of finding peace in a simple moment. It's a trait I've actually given classes on. Just being in the moment and letting things outside of that place and time just go.  A couple years ago for me (and couple decades to go for you) someone is going to make a bucket load of money making a song that tells you just that - so it must not be a "too far out-there" concept.


This is going to be about the only way you are going to be able to cope with the toughest times in life. You will either take yourself off to find/make one of these moments and others you will sit and remember these purposeful "Kodak Moments".  They are going to be essential to your being able to balance your state of mind and even work through some anxiety attacks down the road. It's how you will become the mentally well balanced (ok that might be a crock of shit but seriously....) pillar of community that I am today.

I can't stress how important it is for you to do, but make & take the time at least one time a day to put yourself in that situation where you can consciously make a Kodak Moment. Life can really seem perfect in a snap-shot even in the middle of a shit-storm.




Posing for another shot,

Bigger Little B






Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
Adele - Someone Like You
Cam - Burning House
Jana Kramer - I Got the Boy
Adele - Hello
Deana Carter - Strawberry Wine
Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice
Sugar Land - Stay
Evanescence - My Immortal
The Band Perry - If I Die Young

Don't Go Status Quo

Dear Littler B,

Here I sit tapping away at this keyboard when I realize there is so much more I should be doing, procrastination however is one of your enduring qualities on the journey of you becoming me. Luckily it's early in the morning and we have plenty of time to get up off our bums and rectify that situation. It's not like anyone is coming to visit and the hubby won't be home from work for hours.

It's amazing what an instant gratification world we live in right now. In the old days if you wanted a meal you worked hard on it and it always took quite time to prepare. Today, you just pop it in the microwave and it's there. Spend your time doing things "you" things and you can cobble together last minute an amazing number of things. In this everybody gets a prize society it really makes self motivation feel like a huge undertaking.  Kids have to bring calculators to school for math and they don't even teach cursive writing anymore! If we don't challenge, those who struggle won't feel left out.

This thought entered my head after a commercial was on this morning for an automobile company where a child's winning team got a trophy for some sport and it said "Participation" on it. The father decided that wouldn't do and he pulls the plaque off and writes "Champs" in its place.  I'm sad to say that these things have begun happening because of our generation. We've begun a system of inclusion that really has led to a lack of striving for success. Why bust your ass if you will get a trophy regardless? I know every generation has their fear for the future stories and until this letter I didn't realize I have become one of them.

 You are going to win two trophies in your life. One will be the one you already have for softball back in '84 and the other will happen many years from now in a bowling league. While they are both things you have earned, the bowling trophy is most definitely the favorite. Why you ask? The answer is simple, it may be small but perched atop the typical marble base is the shape of a golden horses ass. You will get it for being the absolute worst bowler there. The wonderful thing though about that trophy is that you will use it as a motivation to do better and come in a heck of a lot closer to the first place in subsequent years.

I guess the point I am trying to make in all of this is not to accept the status quo. Don't go meekly into the night. There is only one person who can make you accomplish wonderful things and that is you. Don't be afraid to do that. Take this letter out often dear little me and use it to inspire you to do something.

 Do something new, something exciting, something difficult and something that takes practice as often as you possibly can. If you don't how will you ever know what you are good at? I have lived by this method and as a happy accident along the way I have learned to play guitar, paint, cook, teach, sing on stage, fix cars, write a computer program and so much more. Above all it has taught me so much about myself, the incredible spirit of perseverance and fortitude that you don't believe we have.

I am going to go now and take my own advice and self motivate my butt to a mop and dishwasher even if no one is coming to visit. I am visiting me. 

Do you know what happens if you don't try? 

Absolutely nothing.

Manic Monday Music
Eagles - Hotel California
Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence
Rolling Stones - Paint it Black 
Heart - Alone
Tears for Fears - Shout 
Scorpion - Rock You Like A Hurricaine
Police - Dont Stand So Close to Me
Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
Leann Womak - Dance

Things You'll Miss... And Not So Much...

Dear Littler B,

The last couple of letters I've written to you have been a little heavy at times so I though I'd make this one a bit lighter.  I'm sitting here watching a stand up comedy special of Jim Breuer. (don't worry, he will be there in only a few years for you) You are not going to like him at all when he first comes out but the older he gets, the funnier he gets.  It's a Sunday and I'm trying to fill the hours until football comes on and planning for a day of games, beer and pizza.

Having written all that I realized these are things I NEVER would have done when I was you. I'm sure you are pacing around in circles, hands on your head shouting "Oh the horror of it all! THIS is what is to become of me?" but it's not so bad I promise. This imagery in my head brings me to the subject of today's letter. I figured I would make you a fun little list of some of the things you have to look forward to on your journey of you becoming me.

Things You Will Miss
Shaving Your Head - Something you will miss very much because not only is it an act of freedom and individuality, it's damn easy to do. Never a bad hair day with that much hair.

Videos on MTV - Sadly, as of the writing of this there are multiple MTV stations and I don't believe any of them have videos. For a little while they will have an actual competitor in Vh1, though all those channels now are over-run by reality shows so you gave up on them long ago from my perspective.

Original Movies - Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of really great movies in my time however a vast majority of them are remakes of movies from your time. One good thing is that computer graphics are going to make movies so realistic they will be completely enthralling.

Not having real responsibility - I remember what it is like to be you and yes school sucks but when you are me you'd do just about anything to go back. It is all on you whether you succeed or fail. If the power is out or you have no roof over your head it's your own fault.

Riding in cars with friends for no reason at all - I'm not saying I can't do this now, but it will lose it's appeal for you. Nothing says wonderful freedom like cruising around in Helga, windows open, music blaring no place to go and no place to have to be.

New Jersey - The Beach - Familiar places - While you are going to be going to some amazing places you will never have a love or connection to anywhere like you do home.

Not being afraid to hang out in NYC on your own - Some of your best times right now are hanging out in the city and feeling invincible. Call it the fear of breaking as I've gotten old or the concept that the internet (we talked about that the other day) has made you aware of just how heinous the crime can be. 

REAL music - I know this is all relative. Those who grew up in the 50s thought Dion was the shit, you will forever think music from the 80s was the real deal. The music they come out with now is so manufactured and connived that you don't care much for it. At one point big conglomerates actually put together something called "boy bands" and at another they have talent shows that society obsesses over. Think Star Search but on a global scale. No true grit and from the streets musicians who play soul jerking music.

The feeling that you could to change the world - You feel like a giant and the whole world is your oyster. You are going to make a difference. You can do anything. You will realize as time goes by that you are who you are. While that is good to know yourself, you also know things you are not.

Party Lines - While the internet has allowed you to converse with people all over the world you will never have that initial awe and enjoyment as you did spending late hours meeting people outside your area like that guy from Red Bank. The first feeling of the world being a bigger place than what you knew.

Being a Snarky Wise Ass - This one is a pretty big deal. You are witty and say what you think. When you are me, not only are you too "grown-up" to do that but the world has turned to a "you hurt my feelings, you should be punished" kind of place. People are pansies...

Writing Letters / Pen Pals - This is a lost art. I know when I was you writing was a very large part of my life. Journals, poems, stories and letters that you would send and someone would actually reply. With the release worldwide of the internet no one does this anymore. I especially miss pen pals. The whole getting to know you and glimpse of a life unknown. Now with social media you know everyone's life so it is info overload.

Imagination - Creativity and imagination are abundant because you create to fit your situation. Now if you have an issue you go and look up something someone else has already done and put out there. It takes the drive to come up with new things out of a lot of people.




Things To Look Forward To
Long Hair - I know that doesn't seem like something you want but believe me the guys like it. I will say that if I had to take my looks when I was you to the smokin hot goddess I've turned into now, there would be no contest. (only kidding)

Google - This is going to be a place to go on the internet where you can find out just about anything about anything. It's going to be a tool that you love because anytime you want to know even the littlest fact you can "google" it and feel like you are so much smarter than you really are.

Digital Photos - You are going to be able to take thousands upon thousands of pictures and fit them all on a little device no bigger than your thumb. This is great for memories and making those collages you like. Be careful however, you sometimes end up taking so many photos for memories that you don't always soak in the experience you are supposed to be having like at Graceland.

Social Media - This is a double edge sword. Social media is a type of location on the internet that people have an account and post things about their life and chat. It will unite you with a lot of people you haven't seen in a long time and your loved ones that you don't get to see as often as you'd like. On the other hand a lot of people have a tendency to over share and start stupid battles. It takes the personal aspect out of things.

Flatscreen TVs - This goes with technology which I've touched on before. Technology is going to make things a lot simpler and "smarter". Like in a lot of those futuristic TV shows you will have a TV that hangs on the wall and is so thin that you can lift it on your own but will be larger than your dresser. The quality of the picture is amazingly lifelike too. 

Flying Cars - Ok, what talk of 25 years from now doesn't including flying cars eh? Nah, I just threw this one in here to screw with you. They STILL haven't come out with these, however they are still working on hoverboards and they have come up with a place that you can order almost anything called Amazon that has little flying device that can deliver to most areas an hour after you order something.

Living as a grown up - This sucks and is awesome all at the same time. While I complained before about not having responsibilities, I didn't mention that by gaining such responsibilities allows you to go where ever you want because you answer to you. If you want to drink alcohol you do. If you want to fly to Mexico you do. If you want to go to a certain nude beach and/or walk around naked you do. If you want to decorate your walls with comic books and movie posters, you will.

Exploring new places - You are going to be the grown up so you will get to decide where you are going. You have been a lot of places and countries (though not as many as you want). Remember 8th grade when the Washington DC field trip seemed like it was so far away?
Having children - This is probably the best thing that will ever happen to you. You can't understand the hole you have in your heart until they are here and you can't imagine how you didn't realize it. Though now at my age they don't make much time for me you would not have missed out on them for the world.


Netflix / Hulu and more than 15 channels - Ok, Netflix and Hulu are internet sites that you can go to and call up almost any kind of movie or tv show when ever you want on your computer, phone or television through your game console (yes, Atari is great but just you wait!). There is always something you want to watch. On top of this I believe cable now that it is digital has over 1500 channels though a lot of them are crap.


There is so much more that I could put in this letter but I don't want to be completely full of "spoilers" (a phrase to look forward to when you meet your good friend Dr. River Song. :-) ) 

In anticipation and fond memory,


Bigger Little B

 

Hold On For One More Day

Dear Little B,
 
Good morning across the years. I have locked into what seems to be my regular routine now a days of coffee, music and window watching with the exception of slow cooking a pot of chili as I
type my letter to you. Yes, you learn how to cook but not very well. Piece of advice? Never get less than 80/20 and for heavens sake get decent kitchen ware. Put me out of my misery. You will learn to love stews and "one pot wonders", much more than that is as common around here as a yeti due to necessity. 
 
We are bracing for a snow storm the likes of which we haven't seen in this area for several years supposedly. I laugh at that idea. Where you are snow means nothing, but remember when Mom & Dad moved us moved down to SC and if they even talked about snow on the news EVERYTHING shut down. (Spoiler Alert) It's a lot like that here in Nashville. They've been talking about this for days, the coming "Snowmageddon" or "Snowpocalypse". There is supposed to be about 4" of snow. Do you need a second to go get a paper towel to sop up the Jolt that sprayed out of your nose while you were laughing? In all honesty though, in the south's defense they really don't have it often enough to know how to handle it or learn to drive in it. They are ill equipped.
 

 
I know the only word out of that sentence you really comprehended was Nashville. Yes, you moved to Tennessee several years ago and YES you finally get to go to Graceland. Dream upon dreams isn't it? Even now the girl who has a shaved head and combat boots hanging out in NYC amongst all the big hair Aqua Net freaks still has that poster of Elvis up on her wall. You can't lie to me, I've been there remember? 

You have quite a few things on that to-do list in your journal that are going to be scratched out. Some not as soon as others, but in the end you accomplish most of what is already there and will add one for every one you tick off so that things never get boring.  Yes you will live for a brief time in NYC and yes you will make it out of the country (Twice so far, but hopefully time will change that).
 
 I know you are wondering why I am telling you these things. When you get older you will get the "I wish I could smack my young self in the head and told them look what you will become" feeling.  It may not be spectacular. You may not be singing on a stage, publishing that new book, rubbing elbows with the elite but you are gloriously and beautifully ALL YOU. It's going to be a long time until you figure out what that is and just when you think you know, you will reinvent yourself. Lets face it, you are not one who handles stagnation or boredom well.

Brace yourself kid, you are going to be disappointed and you are going to cry - buckets.  There are going to be more than a few times we go through that seem dark. Very dark indeed. Two in particular you are going to feel like there is no hope, no option, no shining sun. Know that it is ok to feel that way. The best thing about times like this are the times when you are on the other side of it and you look back. The beauty of the strong as iron spine you developed. The aspects of your character that you never believed you had will arise and surprise the hell out of you.

(insert palm slap to the forehead here)

The thing that you need to remember at these times (and these two in particular) is that believe it or not you WILL get through it and find ways to mend, cope and excel. Don't give up. Taking the easy way out is not as easy as you think. Sure, it may be for you but in the short term think of the resulting chaos. Mom & Dad, your family, your friends and yes even once your children. Is that the legacy you want to leave them? Twice you will try and luckily for me, twice you will fail.

I don't say things will ever be perfect but I do say thing will be perfect and that is what you will have to grasp onto to pull yourself through it. When I say thing I mean a moment or a sunset, a song or a breeze.  Just let yourself let go mentally enough to grab onto just 1 thing. No, it will not make your problems go away but it will give you a chance to step out of your beautiful horrible overworked mind long enough to take a break from self-torture.  Soon you will be able to string a thing together with another thing and before you know it things will look a heck of a lot better than they did.

I am lucky I have this chance to tell you about the things you wouldn't have if you had succeeded, most people don't get that. You have a man who loves you more than anything in the world, you have beautiful children, you have a kind and giving heart borne out of the ashes of many fires you were not able to put out and quite honestly at the age I am now I'm damn sexier than I was 10 and 20 years ago. Your life is beautiful in all its flaws because of the turmoil not in spite of it.  Even this many years later when I have lived longer on my own than at home something that Dad said rings in my head no matter what the difficulty. "This too shall pass". No matter how difficult things may seem, you can handle it even if you think you can't.

You are a Phoenix who always rises from the ashes. I can't wait to see what our next incarnation will bring!

In Love and Hope,

Bigger Little B 
 
 
 
 
 
Eagles - Take it to the Limit
Mama's & Papa's - California Dreamin'
Dion - Runaround Sue
Simon & Garfunkel - Graceland
A-Ha - Take On Me
Eagles - Hotel California
Joan Jett - I Love Rock n Roll
Eddie Money - Take Me Home Tonight
Journey - Faithfully
Survivor - Burning Heart
John Melencamp (yeah he drops the "Cougar" somewhere around 91 I think) - Hurts So Good
Duran Duran - Hungry Like The Wolf
Journey - Open Arms
Queen - We Will Rock You
Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams

Take the Time...

Dear Littler B,

Well good morning again. I'm not sure how long we will have this line open or how many letters I'm going to be able to smuggle to you through the pipeline of the years, but I will keep going as long as I have something to say. You know you, so that could be quite a long time with that mouth/mind combo.

Here I sit, same routine as yesterday coffee in one hand and screen in front of me with that blinking cursor begging to travel along the page. What can I tell you today that will make any difference or consolation? I guess again I will let the music be my guide.

I keep wondering where you are hiding reading these letters? Are you down at the tire park at Patania? In your room? No more likely you snuck out your second floor window while everyone is sleeping onto Dad's car and are on that big fallen down tree on the beach of the second lake. I can just see you shaved headed, olive drab flight jacket, big ass earrings so no one mistakes you for a boy and combat boots that have no place on a beach. They should have known not to put us in that bedroom right over the driveway....

I guess that brings me to today's subject. Where ever you are, I know you are probably alone. Not because you don't have friends but because I know how much you value that quiet alone time to sit and just think about everything. As much as you love your friends (both the one you met on the swings that day in 3^rd grade and the tall blonde bombshell who you think you will never hold a candle to) you still have your times that you just like to go hide and soak in the enormity of the experience of life and how to survive in it.

What a mind you have. I'm sure it's because you are always firing on all cylinders because you haven't learned about what ADHD is and you have no clue how to control it. (not that you ever do completely if these letters don't give you a clue on that) Your mind is in so many places at once.

Try this little experiment, put the letter down and look at one of the billion Swatches you have. For 3 minutes just think about 1 thing. You pick what, that bike ride to Pakanack Lake, that friend of yours from Parsippany who you are absolutely in love with but will never tell him, I don't care just pick it.

5 minutes later, I bet you thought of the guy which segued into about 300 things minimum. You started with all good intention of focusing on that one thing and you have no idea how in the name of the Gods you let your sister pop into your head or your dang math teacher (you know the one who makes you use carbon paper) or the Navy or the really hot band teacher (if this gets to you senior year – if not, there's something to look forward to.)

This is one quality that is going to be a huge asset and a huge downfall over the next several years. Some call it scatterbrained, it won't be for several years that they have a medical term for it. One thing I can warn you is that with your mind whirring like it does and at the speed it does, it's going to lead to a high level of anxiety that is not necessary. I know you have already experienced that. Remember that time you got your cherry popped at Rocky Horror and all the sudden couldn't breathe and ended up with your very hot friends extremely hot brother who helped you through it and got you home? That was an anxiety attack.

You are going to feel like you are dying or going to pass out. You are going to feel like you are possessed. You are going to feel lots of things and it's going to happen often until you recognize it for what it is. It will be worse at night when you are supposed to be sleeping and the house is quiet because that is when your mind won't shut off.

I know this seems like a horrible prognosis but it is really not. One of the things that will come hand in hand with the ADHD – Scatterbrained fueled anxiety attack is a burst of adrenalin. You will learn to harness that and do some great things. It will take time to learn but it is so worth it. Pick up your clarinet, play your drums, write, sing, read or anything that takes focus. You will learn to draw, play guitar (yes really) paint, build and so much more. More than these things learn to count. Breathe and count. Count the breaths. There is a science to it, they say if you can get through 20 minutes you have made it through.

People who don't suffer from these attacks will not understand them and it is not something you can ever explain. Just don't try, accept it. You don't know what it's like to be color blind or tall so look at it that way. Be patient with others who have to deal with you and above all be patient with yourself. Fake it till ya make it baby.

Patiently Yours,

Bigger Little B

Kansas – Dust in the Wind

The Corrs – Send Me a Song
Elton John – Crocodile Rock
Jackson 5 – ABC
The Corrs – No Frontiers
Bengals – Eternal Flame
Simon & Garfunkel – Kodachrome
Sinead – No Mans Woman
Beatles – Inner Light
Bob Marley – Three Little Birds
Harry Nillson – Everybodys Talkin'
Stray Cats – Stray Cat Strut
Dixie Chicks – Can't Hurry Love
Sinead – Three Babies
Flogging Molly – The Sun Never Shines
Elton John – Daniel
Dixie Chicks – Sin Wagon
Fallout Boy – Light 'em Up
Garth Brooks – Papa loved Mama
Metallica – Nothing Else Matters
Simon & Garfunkel – I am a Rock
Extreme – More Than Words
Guns N Roses - Patience