Hello again! I am keeping up with the theme that my last 3 letters have been to me and trying to beef up your knowledge so that when you become the woman and teacher I was a little over a decade ago, you may have a packed tool box to work with.
Also, this is helping me to step away from Toby's stroke that I told you about in the letter of our Unexpected Vacation.
Today's letter in the A to Z blogging challenge is C - so here goes:
is for Cedar...
Today I am going to talk to you about Cedar. While cedar is not technically an "herb" for the mundane society, it is revered in many cultures so I will be using trees for this exercise.
Origin & Identification When I say I am going to talk to you about cedar, it is a very large subject so you will only be getting the highlights. There are many different types of cedar trees and they are spread all around the world from the North Americas to Lebanon, Alaska to New Zealand. They are all variations within the cypress family which are similar to an evergreen. The types that I am the most familiar with being from the Eastern US are the Eastern Red Cedar and the Rocky Mountain Juniper. It is usually dense of foliage and at times does not get larger than a bush. Though under better soil conditions grows to a large tree.
Practical Uses
Cedar, besides being used frequently in landscaping due to its hardiness, has many practical applications as well. The parts of this coniferous tree that are used the most are the wood and oil (extracted from its roots usually). Cedar oil has been known to be used as an insect repellent due to it's strong odor. In the pine barrens, at one of your favorite campgrounds there is a lazy river that we swam in and floated on. The water was a bizarre red hue, tinted red by the cedar trees that grow along the bank. The best thing about that river is that we never seemed to get bit by the New Jersey State Bird...
It also has preservative qualities and is one of the mix that has been used in preserving bodies in mummification processes.
The lumber made from the cedar is frequently used in making quality furniture that is built to last. It is one of the most durable woods for such purposes. I am sure you remember sneaking into an attic or two and opening an old cedar chest full of memories of a day gone by. The rich red colored wood emits an odor that is unforgettable and smelling it even in a wood shop or store takes you back like a time machine in your mind.
Metaphysical Uses of Cedar Cedar has long been held sacred by many cultures. The ancient Celts (our ancesters) called this tree, the Tree of Life. In the Torah of the Jewish faith, this tree is mentioned more than any other. It is believed to be this tree that was used to build King Solomon's Temple. In my faith, the Druids consider this to be one of the 9 sacred woods. In Cherokee belief it is one of very few other earthly things to have reached a 7th level of sacredness, they used it in such high reverence that they used it exclusively to carry their honored dead.
Cedar is known as a masculine entity tied to the Sun and the element of fire. It is known in the magickal arena for it's healing, purification, protection and money drawing powers. Cedar smoke is often used in purifying ceremonies and is the only thing burned here as a second to sage. Native Americans use cedar sticks in sweat baths for its purification power.
Cedar planted near the home carved into a tri-pronged shape protects the home and those within.
A small piece of cedar carried in a wallet or purse is known to attract money. Due to it's preservative nature, cedar oil and wood is good with any workings where there is a need for longevity either of a person, situation or intention.
Well, that's about all I have for you today. You know me (since you are me, just a little younger), I could go on and on and on. At least this is a good start for you to go to work with.
I wanted to write to you here as a heads up. With everything going on with your husband, you have lost a bit of yourself. Over a month ago I accepted a challenge that the pre-stroke us could have handled without a blink, the post-stroke me has decided that it is something I MUST do for my own sanity. I will still keep you up to date here and there with how Toby is doing, however I do know I have messed with the space-time continuum already so much by telling you what I have up to now.
To make good on commitments we have made and to get myself back in the game with my letters to you in a huge way. I have accepted not just 1 challenge, but 2.
Crazy 4 Blogging Facebook Group. COME CHECK US OUT!!!!
My friends (and I most definitely consider them that at this point) who I have met and formed a "Girl Tribe" starting with one of the most wonderful virtual friends I have made thus far Heidi @ WomanPulse, as well as another Miranda @ JKLMNAdventure. These girls will be a big support through all of this when you get through the decades and become me.
After brainstorming in our little group we opted to make a larger, more public writing group (blogging specifically, though you won't hear that term for a couple decades) that focuses on encouragement, help and promotion of each other's writing. (When they develop Facebook, come check it out!!
I have also accepted an A-Z challenge through Blogging from A to Z where my posts each day start with the corresponding letter of the alphabet. Today is April 3 so I am 3 letters behind, but in the next 24 hours I will rectify that situation and go into maintaining mode.
This is going to push us to the limit of our creative ability thus far in letter writing. Luckily, challenge 1 is only once a week, so for that day I will be
combining the challenge from Crazy4Blogging with my A-Z challenge for the month of April in letters to you so that I do not divert from my true intent. This should be relatively easy as my intention was to teach you dear younger me about things to come. I will be doing that in teaching you about things that you will go on to teach,
Herbs - Practical and Metaphysical Uses
Don't get worried dear littler me, I will continue to keep you up to date on the other situations that are happening now. I will make sure to do a couple posts a day when I can so that when you do become me, you will be well prepared in as many areas as I can prepare you for.
As always, the wisest words I can leave you to live by...
It has been days since my last letter but in a flimsy attempt to merge current life with the real world outside of this hospital. After so many weeks I thought I would address a missing challenge that was put to me in the guise of trying to deal with current events. I was asked to write a top 10 list so, here it is in my experience. The top 10 reasons strokes suck when it happens to the man you love.
There may be more, and better ones dear littler me but these are some of the ones that I have compiled over the last 3 weeks since they began. Unfortunately my dear younger self, there is truly no one of these that are of more or less impact so the order of the list is irrelevant.
1. I don't know who he is
I
think I put this one up here because it is one of the more scary
aspects of this all. You will deal with Grumpy Gus when he is sick over
the years, but never argumentative. Never has he been harsh to you. When
I say you found Prince Charming when you found Toby, it is the truth.
You
are smart enough to know that he is scared, angry, frustrated and
confused in turns. He doesn't mean to take any of it out on you but what he
does know that you love him enough to be the one to absorb it and get
over it in ways you need to in an appropriate fashion than he can at
this time. The thing that sucks the most about this is that with a
stroke, it is unknown if the personality change is permanent due to the
location of the stroke.
One day at a time baby girl. Screw that, one hour at a time.
Every
once in awhile he is himself. The other day the OT was working on
increasing his ocular muscles to help him while she was doing visual
acuity exercises to help reduce double vision and he decided he wanted
to me video it to show everyone his eyes are better than Steve Buscemi as
Crazy Eyes in Mr. Deeds.
2. The body betrays
When you get to be me dear one, your spine will have been operated on several times and needs to be several more.
You are not leaving him. That is that. Every day you will spend in the hospital next to his side. He would do the same for you. People just don't understand how it is with us. We don't part. Since the day we met we don't leave each other for any extended period of time. Now onto the explanation here of the body betrayal.
There will be times when you will sleep not at all, there will be times when you will sleep sitting up, there will be times when you will be sleeping on a cot that is an inch thick. It will hurt at times so bad that you can't breathe. Never let them see you sweat it through this if you can. There is nothing you can do about it and that is just one of those things that will keep you awake through this.
"This too shall pass - though I know not when"
3. Hurry up and slow down
Just when you think you are making progress, you're thrown back. There are a lot of things to handle now that there is only going to be one of you. You have to take it all on not let him think about it. At the same time you need to force him to slow down because he is trying to hurry through everything just to get out of the hospital and back in the driver seat of life. He is very far from that and he will refuse to realize how far. You have to be strong when he gets angry for being there as the soundboard when he gets yelled at to put the breaks on by you, nurses, doctors and therapists of all flavors.
4. Spinning Plates
This is the one that I'm struggling with especially during the writing of this letter. Today has been a bad day for keeping the plates spinning. I know you know that reference where you are in the late 80s being able to still watch Johnny Carson (oops, spoiler again).
After making it home for the first time in several weeks (unfortunately they have a very strict 3 day pay or quit policy at Chariot Pointe Apts) there was a note on the door about the beginning of eviction. That is to be expected with as long as you will be in the hospital for this.
Hold on to your sanity dear younger me, that in combination with the electricity not working will shake what little backbone you cling to. If we are able to come up with the money we can save our home. Toby losing his job over this and his being our only income at this time (Spoiler - you are going to be downsized again) - the plates have started dropping. Not sure today how to get them going again - that will have to be a post for another time.
Some amazing colleagues of mine put together a GOFUNDME site, but what stranger wants to give even a dollar to someone they don't know in this day and age?
5. Uncontrolled emotions You are the strong one dear littler me. You are the one who handles all of the affairs at home and keeps things running. You are the motivator. Usually, you are the income as well. You keep your cool in public. You are the go to guy for so very many people.
Until now
Heads up, you will cry a lot for no reason at all in the most bizarre places. Just roll with it. I'll let you know if there is a solution if anyone ever lets me know.
6. To help or not to help, that is the question
See the last item first paragraph. (only kidding) There is a lot that you are trying to deal with to try to make the outside world stay functioning when the world inside the hospital is not functioning. Toby wants to do everything on his own except if you are not paying attention to him. By nature you are the help everyone type and this is one situation where you can not go on overload. Even though you want to and will. There will be times when he doesn't need help but wants it and times he truly needs help and you won't realize it. He needs to do things himself unless he can't. Do these statements confuse you? Good, they do me as well. There are times he needs help and won't ask for it. Instead he will point or say things like "it would be nice if someone would handle this since I can't. You have tried the "you know how to do this" and the "you have to try". Tough love? Doesn't work. Sweet love? Doesn't work. Yet they all work when used in the right point in time. Unfortunately to date I have not figured out when those points in time are and just when I do they change. Hoping this will ease. I sound like a broken record but I will have to let you know on that one as well.
7. Fear of the unknown
With everything happening, we have a new normal every day. The mystical "They" have said when we reach somewhere around the 6 month point, what is going to get better will have. Hearing gone because of the severe tinnitus, lip drop, ocular mischief, double vision, strength, balance, ATTITUDE. In the potpourri of misfires going on in his brain/body connection, what are we going to end up with and am I strong enough to help him through it? I pray every day, it's a good thing you paid attention to that where you are in the time stream.
Without our home, where will we go? How will I support a man who very well may no longer be able to take care of himself? I was denied unemployment hilariously enough because I was a no-call no-show when they say they offered me an assignment. Voicemail that my husband is in critical care (which you don't know about yet, its the digital version of answering machines) is not enough . Food stamps? Denied. His job? Lost.
8. TMI baby but never TMI
The staff at the hospital has been absolutely amazing. I can not say that enough. The nursing staff, the doctors, the valets (who even walked a guitar up to the 6th floor to his room because not having hands enough). They all have sources to call and information to read and websites to research that information overload has been reached. Unfortunately none of them are able to lead to anyplace that doesn't lead to / say need to try something else.
One brain (ours not his) is just not big enough to comprehend this whole thing. The case worker here even assigned to assist said "I'm sorry I have no suggestions for you". I have always considered myself an educated and level headed person. You will work very hard to get to that, however right now I'm clueless. What do I do now?
"Life didn't prepare me for this."
9. Loneliness
Toby and I have always said that there is nothing that he and I can't get through together. The problem is physically a man who resembles Toby is here but dear Slim Shady can you change the lyrics to your song? I'm waiting for the real Toby Martin to please stand up. I'm not sure I can be me and him until he is him again. I'm going to do my best dear little one because he is worth that.
10. When is the next one?
The first one I watched was 3 days after our honeymoon but never was it to this extent. 3 strokes into this, all I can think is when is the next one and will it be the one to take him for good from us?
Don't fear littler me, some how we will see the other side of this one way or another.
Exhausted-ly yours,
Challenge with my girls. Thanks http://www.womanpulse.com for keeping me moving forward.
is for Cedar...
Cedar, besides being used frequently in landscaping due to its hardiness, has many practical applications as well. The parts of this coniferous tree that are used the most are the wood and oil (extracted from its roots usually). Cedar oil has been known to be used as an insect repellent due to it's strong odor. In the pine barrens, at one of your favorite campgrounds there is a lazy river that we swam in and floated on. The water was a bizarre red hue, tinted red by the cedar trees that grow along the bank. The best thing about that river is that we never seemed to get bit by the New Jersey State Bird... 
The lumber made from the cedar is frequently used in making quality furniture that is built to last. It is one of the most durable woods for such purposes. I am sure you remember sneaking into an attic or two and opening an old cedar chest full of memories of a day gone by. The rich red colored wood emits an odor that is unforgettable and smelling it even in a wood shop or store takes you back like a time machine in your mind. 
Cedar has long been held sacred by many cultures. The ancient Celts (our ancesters) called this tree, the Tree of Life. In the Torah of the Jewish faith, this tree is mentioned more than any other. It is believed to be this tree that was used to build King Solomon's Temple. In my faith, the Druids consider this to be one of the 9 sacred woods. In Cherokee belief it is one of very few other earthly things to have reached a 7th level of sacredness, they used it in such high reverence that they used it exclusively to carry their honored dead.
Cedar is known as a masculine entity tied to the Sun and the element of fire. It is known in the magickal arena for it's healing, purification, protection and money drawing powers. Cedar smoke is often used in purifying ceremonies and is the only thing burned here as a second to sage. Native Americans use cedar sticks in sweat baths for its purification power. 
