B is for Bladderwrack...

Dear Littler B,

Well, hello there from 2016. I'm sure the title of this letter got your attention. I can hear you know as if I were still you, "What in the holy creeping crap is bladderwrack????".  Well, as you know I am taking part in a writing challenge through the A to Z Challenge to write to you a letter each day according to the corresponding letter of the day.  This letter was supposed to be written about yesterday, however after Toby's stroke I have gotten a bit behind.  After this letter I will be caught up and will hopefully keep up from there.

The theme I have chosen to write to you about is something that you will go on years later (long ago for me) to teach so giving you the information now may help you get a jump on things. As I am now up to B, I have chosen something you are very familiar with having grown up on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean. It is also something that is readily available to you to study and stick in your book of "This I Know".

   Is for Bladderwrack...

Bladderwrack is something that every beach comber along the eastern seaboard is very familiar with. Kids pick it up and throw it at each other or spend time popping the bubbles that are formed in the middle of the leaves.  Before continuing on to the uses, take a look. It will be that "OOOHHH" moment for you once you see it.

 

Practical Uses for Bladderwrack

This weird and slimy muck that floats up out of the waves actually does have uses other than pushing into the sand next to your sand castles and pretending they are a forest. To get all sciency on you, the official name is Fucus Vesiculosus. (yeah, go ahead and laugh - even I 25 years older than you are did. It's actually said like THIS)

Bladderwrack like other forms of seaweed/kelp is actually high in iodine. (yep, that stuff mom used to put on your cuts) Iodine is a natural element that has many medicinal purposes, including when mixed with the proper amounts of alcohol makes a highly effective antiseptic.

While it is not exactly a great idea to sit and chew on, bladderwrack extracts made correctly are highly effective in helping with thyroid disorders so they are often suggested to use in controlling obesity, other thyroid issues and rheumatism. In certain quantities it can also be used as a laxative.

In addition to these perks, bladderwrack can also be used for various skin treatment (almost like an aloe of the sea). It helps in treating burns, as an antiseptic, and in powdered forms is often used in baths to rejuvenate and detoxify the skin. All this time I thought it was just one of mom's old wives tales to rub it on your leg when you got stung by a jellyfish!!!

Metaphysical Uses for Bladderwrack

Ok - the fun stuff, and it is fun because this is one of those for you that is as abundant as dandelions for others. Wait till you see what you can do with it all!

Bladderwrack to those in the use of this plant for the mystical purposes know it under many names. Some of my favorite names are "Sea Spirit" and "Sea Oak".  Coming from the ocean, the obvious element sea spirit is connected to is water and celestially the moon, as such it is a feminine plant. There are a plethora of uses in the magickal arena and is similar to a white candle or tofu as it attracts and takes on the essence of all elements when necessary.

 

You can carry this weed to increase psychic powers as well as to attract customers and opportunities for money to come your way.

Use particularly when summoning winds of change in your life. Imagine the embodiment of the cleansing waves of water it is ruled by washing over your situation as the winds of change coming blowing through you from the vastness of the ocean, pushing away that which you want to rid yourself of and imbuing you with your new intention.


I hope this information was informative and enjoyable! Heavens knows it was a good reminder for me. It sucks being so far inland that I can't get my hands on some fresh right about now.

Just as a sidebar - I really could use some winds of change blowing through my life and some opportunities to make money. Our situation has not yet changed and we are down to 3 more days before eviction after Toby's stroke. GoFundMe has not come close to paying for the rent and getting out of the hospital the day before rent is due after a month means we have no where else to turn.  Copious amounts of prayer and faith that something will go right just seems to be getting us no where.

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO HELP SUPPORT TOBY'S JOURNEY

Well anyway, I guess that's about all I have to say on this. I am all caught up on my challenge until tomorrow when I will figure out what to prepare you with that starts with C.  I already know what I'm going to talk about, but how to do do it in the least controversial way will be interesting.

Until then, hopefully a little more sage wisdom imbibed...

Bigger Little B.

My musical muse

A is for Anise...

Dear Littler B,

In keeping up with the challenges given, I will be teaching you a bit about the herbology to come for you. The way I see it - the more I teach you now, the more knowledgeable you will be at a younger age than I was. It will be less "hitting the books" research you will have to do, as they have yet to spread use of the new invention of the internet where you are in the 1980s. This should become a great go to guide for you. You can take all these letters and combine them into your own book. The kids of today don't even realize how spoiled they are with information at their fingertips any time they want.

Writing about GOOD HEALTH for the Crazy 4 Blogging challenge today is a relatively easy task given the theme that I have chosen for my A-Z.  So here we go dear little one. Pay attention, its great stuff!







is for Anise..

I know that many people have by now heard of Anise, something they would pick up in a produce or spice section at in a grocery store. I am here to tell you a little bit more about this herb in both it's practical and metaphysical forms.

Origins & Identification

Anise is a delicate, flowering plant mostly found in the Mediterranean and Southern Asia areas. The plant grows on average in the range of 18" - 24" with green leaves that can only be described as featherish and parsley like. The flower portion of the plant is dainty and white. The pods that grow on the plant contain the seeds that are used for cooking, making oils and other applications.  A lot of people get anise with star anise confused as they are which is similar in taste (also similar to the flavor of fennel & licorice). Anise seeds are generally more of a curved shape.
 
 Here is a picture of what the actual plant looks like when you are ready to identify it and grow it.

Down to the nitty gritty....

Practical Uses of Anise


Anise, besides being a culinary delight is used in making various teas, medicines and liquors. Everyone I know where I come from (predominantly Italian area of NJ) has either bought or tried my anisette cookies (if not - look below for the recipe). The flavor almost reminds me of licorice, and surprise - they are one of the main ingredients in black jelly beans! Anise is also used to make some root beers.  I would be remiss if I failed to mention that it is also an ingredient in Jagermeister and sambuka. Um, nuf said?

Being in the herb/spice category, of course there are going to be some practical health applications or we would not still be using them today.  A great detailed source of information can be found on Nutrition and You's website (including the USDA breakdown) where they have done a much better detail of the health benefits and nutrients.  Anise is known among other things to be an anti-oxident, aid in digestion, encourage the growth of red blood cells, and believe it or not - an aid for lactating mothers in producing milk.  Last note on health, have you ever been in an Indian restaurant and seen these to help dinner breath? Yep! Candy coated Anise & Fennel seeds!

Metaphysical Properties

Ok, now dear young one - onto the fun stuff. The metaphysical properties (yes that means what's so magic about it?).

It is also known by folk names Anneys, Aniseseed, Yanisin and Sweet Cumin). There are so many magickal properties of this one in both seed and oil form that it is hard to list them all.  Here are some of the big ones. Protection, purification, clairvoyance and prophetic applications. Anise, known for it's antiseptic properties even to the ancient Egyptians, is a great addition to a purification and protection bath.

Anise is associated with the element air, aligned with Jupiter influence and is a masculine plant and as such can be used for those things that are associated with that element: Intuition, thought, inspiration etc. especially when seeking clairvoyance or prophetic information. In the same way anise can also be burned while meditating.  Use this as an addition to a dream bag to put under your pillow at night to enhance dream work.

Hope this information has been intriguing and educational, enough to get you curious to go find out more!

Wiser but still never wise enough,

Bigger Little B

Favorite Italian Anise Cookies! courtesy of Woman's Day!

10 Reasons Strokes Suck

Dear Littler B,

It has been days since my last letter but in a flimsy attempt to merge current life with the real world outside of this hospital. After so many weeks I thought I would address a missing challenge that was put to me in the guise of trying to deal with current events.  I was asked to write a top 10 list so, here it is in my experience. The top 10 reasons strokes suck when it happens to the man you love.

There may be more, and better ones dear littler me but these are some of the ones that I have compiled over the last 3 weeks since they began. Unfortunately my dear younger self, there is truly no one of these that are of more or less impact so the order of the list is irrelevant.

1. I don't know who he is

I think I put this one up here because it is one of the more scary aspects of this all. You will deal with Grumpy Gus when he is sick over the years, but never argumentative. Never has he been harsh to you. When I say you found Prince Charming when you found Toby, it is the truth.

You are smart enough to know that he is scared, angry, frustrated and confused in turns. He doesn't mean to take any of it out on you but what he does know that you love him enough to be the one to absorb it and get over it in ways you need to in an appropriate fashion than he can at this time.  The thing that sucks the most about this is that with a stroke, it is unknown if the personality change is permanent due to the location of the stroke.

One day at a time baby girl. Screw that, one hour at a time.

Every once in awhile he is himself. The other day the OT was working on increasing his ocular muscles to help him while she was doing visual acuity exercises to help reduce double vision and he decided he wanted to me video it to show everyone his eyes are better than Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes in Mr. Deeds.




2. The body betrays
When you get to be me dear one, your spine will have been operated on several times and needs to be several more.

You are not leaving him. That is that. Every day you will spend in the hospital next to his side. He would do the same for you. People just don't understand how it is with us. We don't part. Since the day we met we don't leave each other for any extended period of time.  Now onto the explanation here of the body betrayal.

There will be times when you will sleep not at all, there will be times when you will sleep sitting up, there will be times when you will be sleeping on a cot that is an inch thick. It will hurt at times so bad that you can't breathe. Never let them see you sweat it through this if you can. There is nothing you can do about it and that is just one of those things that will keep you awake through this.

"This too shall pass - though I know not when"



3. Hurry up and slow down
Just when you think you are making progress, you're thrown back. There are a lot of things to handle now that there is only going to be one of you.  You have to take it all on not let him think about it. At the same time you need to force him to slow down because he is trying to hurry through everything just to get out of the hospital and back in the driver seat of life.  He is very far from that and he will refuse to realize how far.  You have to be strong when he gets angry for being there as the soundboard when he gets yelled at to put the breaks on by you, nurses, doctors and therapists of all flavors.


4. Spinning Plates
This is the one that I'm struggling with especially during the writing of this letter.  Today has been a bad day for keeping the plates spinning.  I know you know that reference where you are in the late 80s being able to still watch Johnny Carson (oops, spoiler again).



After making it home for the first time in several weeks (unfortunately they have a very strict 3 day pay or quit policy at Chariot Pointe Apts) there was a note on the door about the beginning of eviction. That is to be expected with as long as you will be in the hospital for this.

Hold on to your sanity dear younger me, that in combination with the electricity not working will shake what little backbone you cling to.  If we are able to come up with the money we can save our home. Toby losing his job over this and his being our only income at this time (Spoiler - you are going to be downsized again)  - the plates have started dropping. Not sure today how to get them going again - that will have to be a post for another time.

Some amazing colleagues of mine put together a GOFUNDME site, but what stranger wants to give even a dollar to someone they don't know in this day and age?

Click Here to help support Toby's journey

5. Uncontrolled emotions
You are the strong one dear littler me. You are the one who handles all of the affairs at home and keeps things running. You are the motivator. Usually, you are the income as well. You keep your cool in public. You are the go to guy for so very many people.

Until now

Heads up, you will cry a lot for no reason at all in the most bizarre places.  Just roll with it. I'll let you know if there is a solution if anyone ever lets me know.





6. To help or not to help, that is the question
See the last item first paragraph. (only kidding)  There is a lot that you are trying to deal with to try to make the outside world stay functioning when the world inside the hospital is not functioning.  Toby wants to do everything on his own except if you are not paying attention to him. By nature you are the help everyone type and this is one situation where you can not go on overload. Even though you want to and will. There will be times when he doesn't need help but wants it and times he truly needs help and you won't realize it. He needs to do things himself unless he can't.
Do these statements confuse you? Good, they do me as well. There are times he needs help and won't ask for it. Instead he will point or say things like "it would be nice if someone would handle this since I can't. You have tried the "you know how to do this" and the "you have to try". Tough love? Doesn't work. Sweet love? Doesn't work. Yet they all work when used in the right point in time. Unfortunately to date I have not figured out when those points in time are and just when I do they change. Hoping this will ease. I sound like a broken record but I will have to let you know on that one as well.



7. Fear of the unknown
With everything happening, we have a new normal every day.  The mystical "They" have said when we reach somewhere around the 6 month point, what is going to get better will have. Hearing gone because of the severe tinnitus, lip drop, ocular mischief, double vision, strength, balance, ATTITUDE. In the potpourri of misfires going on in his brain/body connection, what are we going to end up with and am I strong enough to help him through it? I pray every day, it's a good thing you paid attention to that where you are in the time stream.

Without our home, where will we go? How will I support a man who very well may no longer be able to take care of himself? I was denied unemployment hilariously enough because I was a no-call no-show when they say they offered me an assignment. Voicemail that my husband is in critical care (which you don't know about yet, its the digital version of answering machines) is not enough . Food stamps? Denied. His job? Lost.


8. TMI baby but never TMI
The staff at the hospital has been absolutely amazing. I can not say that enough. The nursing staff, the doctors, the valets (who even walked a guitar up to the 6th floor to his room because not having hands enough). They all have sources to call and information to read and websites to research that information overload has been reached.  Unfortunately none of them are able to lead to anyplace that doesn't lead to / say need to try something else.

One brain (ours not his) is just not big enough to comprehend this whole thing.  The case worker here even assigned to assist said "I'm sorry I have no suggestions for you". I have always considered myself an educated and level headed person. You will work very hard to get to that, however right now I'm clueless. What do I do now?

"Life didn't prepare me for this."



 
9. Loneliness

Toby and I have always said that there is nothing that he and I can't get through together. The problem is physically a man who resembles Toby is here but dear Slim Shady can you change the lyrics to your song? I'm waiting for the real Toby Martin to please stand up. I'm not sure I can be me and him until he is him again. I'm going to do my best dear little one because he is worth that.

10. When is the next one?
The first one I watched was 3 days after our honeymoon but never was it to this extent. 3 strokes into this, all I can think is when is the next one and will it be the one to take him for good from us?

Don't fear littler me, some how we will see the other side of this one way or another.

Exhausted-ly yours,

Challenge with my girls.  Thanks http://www.womanpulse.com for keeping me moving forward.

See other blogs in the weekly challenge here

WomanPulse

Have A Cup Of JoHanny 

Help

The kindness and love in people never cease to amaze me. I have recently suffered a major crisis in my family and through the love and kindness of amazing friends and colleagues they have put together this campaign for my husband. Please click the link below for the details of our situation.

PLEASE SHARE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

Hi ladies. Toby is sleeping right now so I don't know if I have 10 minutes or an hour but I 
wanted to fill you all in on current status. Some info may be repeat so forgive.

We came to the ER in Murfreesboro, TN because he was suffering a migraine. 
We anticipated some pain medication and send him on his way. Unfortunately 
CAT scan showed 14 cm aneurysm in the basal artery feeding his brain. He was 
transferred to the sister St. Thomas hospital here in Nashville that night to the Neuro ICU. 
They did a spinal tap and from that point he started going down hill. 
After suffering a series of strokes and inability to keep his blood pressure down 
they did an angiogram to determine what they were looking at.

Unfortunately the aneurysm instead of being the type 99% of people get where the 
bubble is on one side and they can pack it with coils to try to route blood flow 
around it, the blow outs are on both sides somewhat like the Harry Potter 
deathly hallows symbol of the wand and stone (without the triangle for the cloak lol)

























The vein is also twisting. This makes it a very risky surgery, especially due to the b.p.

The Vein Dr., who is the best vein doctor in Nashville (or so he has told us a couple 
dozen times every time he sees us) feels the surgery can not be done now and he 
is not willing until Toby adapts a better attitude. (translates to we don't have 
insurance enough to pay his ego)

He has lost quite a bit of motor function, large majority of his hearing, ability to control 
his eyes (severe double vision and muscle control of the eyes causing severe vertigo).
 He also has lip drop and speech damage.

His spirits are up though and we are taking not one day at a time but one minute at a time.

Unfortunately for us this came at the perfect time for our power to be shut off and we have 
had the apartments put us up for eviction proceedings. Unfortunately with me in transition 
between jobs Toby was the income of the family. Due to it being touch and go I 
have not been able to leave his side nor have I had the mental capacity to figure out 
what is going on outside of this hospital room.

This is the first time I am putting the whole thing out here and I figured i will use it as my 
template to let anyone close know what is going on. I have had a few dozen people ask 
me if there was a site set up so they could send us something but I just truly haven't had 
the ability to set anything up like that. At about 2 hours of sleep a night I am ready for a 
cameo on the walking dead. I know we are not going to make it without someone doing 
that for us, but I honestly don't have anyone to do that for me. HAHA I was tempted to 
put it out on UpWork to get someone just to take one thing off my plate and try to save 
my home. But I digress.

We spoke with the director of another specialty hospital (another sister hospital to this one) 
in midtown Nashville (St. Thomas West) and they are talking about bringing him over there 
because they have better facilities to work with his condition and handle extreme case with
 the aneurysm should emergent situation arise. He is going to petition the board to bring
 Toby there for treatment but we don't know as we don't have insurance without Toby's 
ability to return to work. He was just short of being eligible. His last paycheck was 
deposited today for less than 400 due to partial week so when it is gone, 
we are done and everything we own is gone.

At least now you girls know why I haven't been able to have the creative energy to write, 
though that is one of the only things he keeps saying in his coherent times. 
I need to sit and write. Being an award winning short film maker and having worked 
on the Green Mile set and Jackass 2 - the eternal artist made me actually video tape 
his first physical therapy session today and put it on youtube. lol. At least some things 
don't change.

Sorry this is so long, it feels good just to have my fingers on the keyboard thanks to 
my son bringing my laptop to me and the glory of whatever medication cocktail they 
have given him to let him get some rest. 

I'm off now to pretend to sleep before he wakes up. Will catch up later.