Not Always Great to Tolerate...

Dear Littler B,

It has been a while since I've written to you. I know my last several letters to you have started out like that; however when the time passes and you become me you will understand exactly why. All I can ask of you is patience and indulgence until I can get back to our regular schedule.

It is a hot Sunday afternoon here in 2017, one that is supposed to be "Fall".  That word is a bit laughable being that you will eventually migrate to the southern state of Tennessee. Real Fall does not actually happen here. You will end up with about 2 weeks of cool weather until the "winter" sets in. (also quite laughable based on the season you are used to).


In the meantime, today I am here to talk to you today about tolerance. There are many forms of tolerance. I've added the exact definition as per Dictionary.com below for any who may see this letter outside of us. This subject came to my mind today because of an occurrence with a local man who today has gone into a church and open fired on the congregation. It makes me think of all the time that has elapsed in the journey of you becoming me. The changes you will see and go through my dear little one, are enough to make a weaker person run scared and hide under the security of their blankets and weep. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to ensure you that you are so much stronger than you realize or will ever give yourself credit for.

Credit: Odyssey

People talk about tolerance in the aspect of religion or race. When you become me you will have heard many times about the need to practice more tolerance, especially as three of your 4 children will be Jewish. Today's shooting smacks very much of a recent church shooting centered around race. I know how you feel when it comes to all this stuff because over the years separating us the sentiment has never changed. Never have I understood the theory of hate. Never have I felt the feeling of discrimination for others. Though the decades that separate us seem like a very long time to you, life is truly too short to ever embody those types of sentiments. Peace can never be found in a society that turns against itself. I'm sorry to say that this has not changed since my days as you.

Credit: EliteTrack

Don't get me wrong dear one. Having tolerance does not mean you have to deal with everything and everyone. (See definition 4 below) The act or capacity of enduring. Throughout the many years it will take you to develop into the wise woman (haha) that is me, you will force yourself to tolerate or endure many things. Yearly, weekly and daily.


There will be much that you accept and put up with that others will simply not. There will be good and bad to this. Be sure my love that you step back and look at the big picture when you are going through things that seem unendurable yet you persevere. If there is no benefit to you or those you love, why are you doing it?  Are you doing it because you fear change? Fear the unknown on the other side? I can promise you now that while it will not be easy, you and all humans tend to tolerate a lot more than they need to.


Do not doubt yourself my young self. I encourage you to not accept that which does not serve. I encourage you to let go of hurtful, harmful or narrow-minded relationships. Do the unexpected and release negativity in order to open enough room to embrace positivity. That which does not nurture the big picture can tend to become very toxic.  As Morpheus (don't worry, you'll learn who that is later) puts it... FREE YOUR MIND.



What people get so wrong is that they believe that they have to take a negative approach with regards to tolerance. When something is more than they can endure in their own mind, they pull out a can of paint or pull down a statue or worse yet pull out a gun. Not enough people understand that that never solves any issue, only inflames it. Take a positive approach or walk away. Mom is right when she says to you "you get more bees with honey".


I am proud of you for being as level-headed and balanced as you are. Your open-mindedness is a virtue. You can usually diffuse any situation and can usually communicate with all. I am glad that is a gift you were given that has remained through the years. It has without a doubt served us well.


I know I have gone on and on here dear littler me so I will end my letter here with just one thought. There is a very old Cherokee story that unbelievably you will not encounter for many many years. I am proud that for the majority of your life you have lived the wisdom of this story without ever even having heard it. Maybe not as much as I would have liked, but tomorrow is a new day and today is not yet done.

Credit: JesseJeanine

Hopefully yours,

Bigger Little B

tolerance

[tol-er-uh ns] 

 

• Synonyms
• Examples
• Word Origin

See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com

noun

1.

a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.

2.

a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one's own.

3.

interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.

4.

the act or capacity of enduring; endurance:

My tolerance of noise is limited.

5.

Medicine/Medical, Immunology.

1. the power of enduring or resisting the action of a drug, poison,etc.:
   a tolerance to antibiotics.
2. the lack of or low levels of immune response to transplanted tissue or other foreign substance that is normally immunogenic.

6.

Machinery.

1. the permissible range of variation in a dimension of an object.
   Compare allowance (def 8).
2. the permissible variation of an object or objects in some characteristic such as hardness, weight, or quantity.

7.

Also called allowance. Coining. a permissible deviation in the fineness and weight of coin, owing to the difficulty of securing exact conformity to the standard prescribed by law.

Gone to see a man about a cowbell

Dear Littler B,

Public Domain,
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=114302

It has been a month of Sundays since I have written, and for that I apologize. It has been an interesting two months. I feel bad at having left you mid-theme, mid-AtoZ challenge completed. I don't usually back down from a challenge as you well may know (seeing as you are me just very much younger), that is one thing that doesn't change. I do however know when to take a hiatus from something when the emergency need arises and priorities have to shuffle.  Don't despair, some day not too long from mow I will pick back up with Nightshade.


In the mean time, here I am just simply me again wanting to say hello.



I can't quite believe how much my life has changed here in my present, your future.  Things have happened on all levels of the oh shit/Yay spectrum. I know I probably left you scared having disappeared for as long as I have without a letter to let you know how things will shake out.  I don't want you to fear my baby girl. You are strong and resilient. If there is one gift the great goddess has bestowed upon you it is that you are a survivor and find a way to make things work.

This time it was not on your own though and I really give credit to the amazing kind of people you allow in your life over the years to come.  Acceptance of the loss of the physical things was an easy one.  You never have been a material kinda gal any-who. The grieving process of losing the man who was once your husband and is now essentially a 5 year old (temper tantrums and all) has however not been an easy one. When having to return to the ICU with yet another stroke, two weeks after getting out of the month long rehabilitation after the previous one - there really is no easy way to handle it. You will go into shock baby girl. Study up so you know what that means, sick to your stomach and all; so that you can make the make the moment it happens not about you.  I think I pulled it off, but it was difficult. The biggest thing to get used to is the feeling of loneliness that you will feel. Don't ponder in it too long. Moping doesn't become you.

That brings us through April and to May. We've temporarily landed at Anthony's house.  His beautiful loving wife to be is so head strong and smart that they have purchased a house and are allowing us to stay here while I find a way to recover. It is very taxing for all of us, but remember baby girl you have to weather the storm to see the rainbow. Keep your eyes and ears open, because sweet child you will at this time come across an opportunity for a job that will make you happier than any other in your life, for many reasons. The biggest thing is that you will become me on the other side of the tragedy, open your eyes in the morning smile and continue smiling until your eyes close at the end of the night. Truly life changing.

 "When All Else Fails, Add More Cowbell...

I will tell you more about it maybe one day, or just let you be surprised when you get here. All you need to know is that when life becomes so rough, abstract and disconnected, when you don't know if you will make it through - I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a cure for it coming down the pike.....

In the mean time I will leave you with an amazing piece of news to look forward to. You are going to finally have a new baby in the family. Anthony is going to be a daddy. The debate has begun in your head at what we will be called (Mama like our mom, Granny, Grandma.... as long as it is never Nanny or MeeMaw lol). 8 years older than mom when we will become this exciting status, but well worth the wait as it took getting here for him to find this amazing and wonderful girl to spend the rest of his life with.




Truly looking back in wonder,

Bigger Little B



Music That Made The Mood


Dixie Chicks - Cowboy, Take Me Away
I Grieve - Peter Gabriel
Look What They've Done Ma - Miley Sirus
Whats Going On? - 4 Non Blondes
Roar - Katy Perry
If I Die Young - The Band Perry
I Try - Macy Gray
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Wake Me Up - Avicii
Strawberry Wine - Deana Carter

Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
All of Me - John Legend

The Unexpected Holiday

Sometimes life throws the unexpected at you. Our anniversary getaway in a nutshell.

PLEASE HELP - WE HAVE 15 HOURS TO GO TO SAVE OUR HOME AND ARE STILL $500 SHORT.

Dear Littler B,

Instead of writing a letter to you today, I opted to make a video to show you some of the things to look forward to when you become me. What an exciting adventure that March of 2016 will become for you.

Our adventure took place in scenic downtown Nashville, TN otherwise known as Music City, USA.  Watch the video to learn a bit more about this whirlwind of a trip.

"Together, there is nothing we can't get through."





Please watch the video and share with everyone you can.   Enjoy and keep up the faith, hope, courage and strength. 

Counting our many blessings,

Bigger Little B

Please click here to Help Support Toby's Journey

In Perfect Love

Dear Littler Me,

I'm back, did you miss me? One of the things you are going to realize over the years on your way to becoming me is that even the best laid plans sometimes get fouled up.  With my busy week of sick children and divorcing children (read as child, because it is the same one), I completely lost track of the week and the challenge put to me by Heidi of Womanpulse.com.

If you will remember last week, one of your letters (The Business of Being Grown Up) I addressed some advice that I had for you about adulthood.  Heidi posted as well on this subject in her own way in an article on Womanpulse as well as JO-Hanny over at Have a cup of JO-hanny.  More have completed this challenge though I don't have any links as of right now.  I'll come back with those when available.

Today, I have been asked to talk to you about 3 things that I have learned about love.  Wow. Being my age and through the many relationships that you are going to go through, trying to whittle it down to just 3 things is going to be interesting.  Love is a topic I have addressed once or twice before in your letters and I am sure I'm going to touch on it many more times while this temporal channel is open.

I think after listing the wheres and what fors I have come down to some of my best lessons:

1. Compromise

One of the hardest learned lessons for me has been the learning of compromise. I know you think you are all fair and are the queen of compromise but I'm here to tell you now that I'm on the other side of it that you are dead wrong.  Looking back on the battlefields of my love life I have realized that there are more times you win the conversation not because you are right but because you think you are right and your partner is just not willing to fight over it.


This more than anything else is what is going to kill your relationships (other than money) because most of the men you will be with will either be all givers and no take or all takers (more often than not) and no give. 

No matter what shape love comes in, be it love of a significant other or a child you are going to have to learn the lesson of achieving that balance. Hopefully earlier than I did, it will save you from having to live your life on a battlefield like I have.



Blindness

No matter what relationship you are going to go through there is going to be a large level of blindness.  This will be good and bad in turns.

On the bad side, at times you are going to be blind to the way you have allowed yourself to be changed into what the other person thinks you should be.  This is going to be very difficult for you to see over the years.  It will be subtle tweaks until you wake up and realize one day that you just don't even recognize who you have become. You can't relate to the person in the mirror at all.  That kind of love is so soul crushing and unhealthy that you will have to literally shatter everything you know to escape it.

 

Don't worry about it so much though because on the flip side you will reach a level of blindness when it is true love that is good.  Those short timers will have quirks that you just can't take but when it is real you tend to be blind to the little flaws that would at other times annoy the piss out of you in anyone else.  You see the very beauty of the soul that is him in a way that others can not and that will blind you to so very many things. Like a blind person, when you lose one sense the others are intensified and you can see things in a completely different light. The light of love.


3. Love Bites Nah, strike this one and move onto the real #3

3. Forever
 Like the great Beatles sang, love is all you need.  I'm here to tell you on the other side of time that no truer words have ever been said.  Love is the only truly world changing gift we as a species have been given.  Every time you allow yourself to feel it, even when you have moved on down the road you will always take a piece of it with you. From that boy who bought your carnation for valentines day at school to the man who you walked down the aisle to meet with a death grip on your daddy's arm, a piece of them will always be inside of you.

Not only will a piece of each one be inside you, you will perfect it as you go and approach everything in that light.  Friends, children, parents. and life itself.  If there is truly one common thread in everything you are and everything you do it will be that love is the greatest of all.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge




I promise you it is going to be a rocky road, but I also promise that it will be worth every step, stumble, trip and bounce.






In perfect love,